back to school

This is it! Our oldest daughter is FIVE and is going to KINDERGARTEN! I am so excited and so, so more than ready! I am so excited for a daily routine (yeah...I don't think we had much of a daily routine this summer), for structure, for her to be focused on something more constructive than She-Ra, or Angelina Ballerina, or whatever other show she is obsessed with.

I am not one of those super creative, fun moms who always has fun projects for their kids to do. I suppose I could be, if I made more effort (meaning no, I don't need advice or ideas. I am quite resourceful and know where to find them), but lets just say it doesn't really come naturally for me. I know I need to do better in that department.

Anyway, Katelyn loves to watch her shows. We don't have TV or cable or anything. Not because I am too pure for it, it just didn't make the team when we were deciding what expenses were absolutely necessary. Besides, we can watch shows online. And that's what we do. This summer I taught Katelyn what it means to be a couch potato. And unfortunately she now thinks this is something to be proud of. Today I let her know that her show watching days are coming to an end. It's time for school now! (*Alaina, on the other hand, is not interested in TV or movies at all-and I don't think it's just an age thing. Katelyn was into movies very early on, by at least 18mos.)

We met her teacher, Mrs. Hickman last week at the open house. She is super cute and seems very nice. Katelyn knows 4 kids in her class already. Three boys, including our next door neighbor and one other girl from church.

I am very excited for her. I am looking forward to her learning how to read this year and hopefully we can trade in watching shows, for reading books (because she loves that as well).

Yay for school! And no, I really don't think I am going to cry over it (but if you did, that's cool too). I am ready-And I think she is too :)

o·pin·ion·at·ed

1. holding stubbornly and often unreasonably to one's own opinions


2. obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions


3. unduly adhering to one's own opinion or to preconceived notions


4. believing very strongly and conveying it


5. given to or marked by the forceful expression of strongly held opinions


There are opinionated people, and then there are opinionated people. It is the latter that I do not understand. I absolutely do not consider myself to be an opinionated person, although I do have my own opinions on things. So, I struggle to understand what makes this type of person tick. Can anyone shed some light on this for me?

In a nutshell, this is what I take from the opinionated type I am referring to: (see above. mostly #2, closely followed by #5). The problem is, it just totally and utterly rubs me the wrong way!

It seems as though they think that their opinion is the bottom line and those who don't share their opinions or follow their practices are somehow lesser. At least that's the way it comes across.

And here's the deal. I think you should have opinions on whatever you want and you should do things the way you feel works best for you. But why do the "over"-opinionated feel the need to shout their opinions (figuratively speaking) at the top of their lungs, without holding back, without (seemingly) regard to how it may make another person feel?

Is it because they are not the "feeling" type personality (like I am, and that's why it bugs me)?

I am not trying to be a sarcastic jerk, I just honestly want to understand what makes them tick. And I also want to figure out a way that I can stop being irked and offended by them.

Any ideas, dare I say "opinions" here?

produce farms

Today we took a trip to Wapato, WA with my in-laws. We went to buy some
produce in bulk. This has been a long time tradition of theirs and we only
live an hour away from Wapato, so we joined in the fun. And it WAS fun!
The prices for the fruit were much better than any I have seen locally too.

This cantaloupe was not something that we got in bulk, but we saw them
bring them in straight from the field, I guess, and they looked so good we got one.
This guy was just over 8 lbs
Have you ever seen an 8lb cantaloupe in the grocery store?

I sliced it up right away and it is perfectly ripe and sweet and juicy.
MMMM!

We also met up with Corey, Sarah and their kids, who live about an hour
in the other direction.

So, what we got was:

8 boxes of tomatoes
1 box plums
1 box nectarines
6 boxes apples
7 boxes peaches
1 giant sack of corn

The only things we got for ourselves were 2 apples boxes and the giant sack of corn.
All the rest we picked up for friends.
I am planning on mustering up the courage to run the pressure canner to
can some of the corn. And I plan on making some apple sauce and maybe some apple butter.

I do think that it is worth it to can your own food. I agree with your comments on my other post. It is a lot of work, but it is nice knowing exactly where your food comes from and it is
a much better price in the end. I'm not afraid of a little work.

clean freak

I know. This is a weird thing to write about, but I don't care. I have a pet peeve. And I just have to get it off my chest. I hate dirty garbage cans. Especially the ones that have lids. I was thinking about this today as I was scrubbing the lid to my garbage can clean. I do this every couple of weeks or so. I hate garbage. I hate the look of it and the smell of it and just because a garbage can is a house for nastiness, doesn't mean it has to be disgusting too.

Our garbage can is in plain sight, so I am even more motivated to clean it on a regular basis. But still. You should consider cleaning your garbage can lid once in a while, if you don't already. The more often you clean it, the less nasty it will be.

HAHAHA. OK. I am a dork, but I feel better already.

Thanks Mom, for making me a clean freak!

canning

Yesterday I spent the e n t i r e day (practically) canning peaches.
Supposedly, it's cost effective, but I am not so sure about efficiency of time.
Is it really, truly worth it to spend all that time?
It was quite a process. Not hard, just time consuming.

My neighbor, Trina joined me.

41 lbs = 3 pints and 19 quarts of peaches.

$38 for this batch (not the best price), but don't you think I could buy
38 cans of peaches at the store for just as much??? I don't know for sure.
Just wondering.
I know they don't taste quite the same and you don't get the joy of
preserving your own food. I'm just thinking logistics right now.

Give me your best arguments (in my comment box)

The Disease Called Perfection

*got this in an email today.

a post from Single Dad Laughing

The disease called "Perfection"

As a warning, the following post was written in complete desperation. I have recently learned some very sobering truths from people that I love dearly. These truths have set in motion a quest within me to do whatever I can to make a change. Today is not geared at funny. Today is geared at something greater. Read it to the very end. I promise you will be affected in a way you have always needed to be. I spent more than twelve hours writing this post because its message is that important to me.

I wonder. Am I the only one aware that there is an infectious mental disease laying siege on us right now? There is a serious pandemic of "Perfection" spreading, and it needs to stop. Hear me out because this is something for which I am passionately and constantly hurting. It's a sickness that I've been trying to put into words for years without much success. It's a sickness that I have personally struggled with. It's a sickness that at times has left me hiding in dark corners and hating myself.

And chances are it's hit you too.

What is the disease called "Perfection"? Perhaps a list of its real-life symptoms will help you better understand it. We live in communities where people feel unconquerable amounts of pressure to always appear perfectly happy, perfectly functional, and perfectly figured. "Perfection" is much different than perfectionism. The following examples of "Perfection" are all real examples that I have collected from experiences in my own life, from confidential sources, or from my circle of loved ones and friends. If you actually stop to think about some of these, you will cry as I did while writing it. If you don't, maybe you're infected with way too much of this "Perfection" infection.

"Perfection" is a wife who feels trapped in a marriage to a lazy, angry, small man, but at soccer practice tells the other wives how wonderful her husband always is. "Perfection" keeps people from telling the truth, even to themselves. My husband is adorable. He called me a whore this week because I smiled at a stranger. When I started crying, he said he had a game to go watch. I love him so much.

"Perfection" is a husband who is belittled, unappreciated, and abused by his wife, yet works endlessly to make his marriage appear incredible to those around him. "Perfection" really does keep people from being real about the truth. You would have laughed, guys. She said that I suck at my job and will never go anywhere in life. Then she insinuated that I was a fat, rotting pile of crap. Isn't she the best?

"Perfection" is a daughter with an eating disorder that keeps it hidden for years because she doesn't want to be the first among her family and friends to be imperfect. She would give anything to confront it, but she can't because then the "Perfect" people would hate her as much as she hates herself for it.

"Perfection" is when a son has a forbidden addiction, and despises himself for it. "Perfection" makes us believe that nobody else could understand what it is like to be weak and fall prey to the pressures of the world.

"Perfection" is a man who loathes himself for feeling unwanted attraction toward other men.

"Perfection" is a couple drowning in debt, but who still agree to that cruise with their friends because the words "we don't have the money" are impossible ones to push across their lips.

"Perfection" is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. I'd give anything to be Mrs. Jones. Today she ran 34 miles, cooked six complete meals, participated in a two-hour activity with each of her seven children, hosted a marriage class with her husband, and still had time to show up for Bunco. What this mom doesn't know is that Mrs. Jones is also at home crying right now because the pressure to be "Perfect" never lets up.

"Perfection" is a dad hating himself because he can't give the same thing to his kids that other dads do, and then hates himself further because he takes his self-loathing out on his kids behind closed doors. You know what would have been nice? If you were never born. Do you realize how much money I'd have right now? Now come give Daddy a hug because I can force you to give me validation.

"Perfection" is a child hating herself because the boys at school call her fat, and when she goes home she tells her mom that school was fine. Her mom never stops to question why her daughter doesn't have any friends, because her mom doesn't want to think that anything might be less than "Perfect".

"Perfection" is a man feeling like a smaller man because his neighbor just pulled in with a new boat.

"Perfection" is a woman who is so overwhelmed that she thinks about killing herself daily. "Perfection" makes it so that she never will because of the things people will think if she does. How could I make my suicide look like an accident? If I kill myself, I don't want anybody knowing that I ever had any problems. She never stops to look at why she wants to do it, because healing means admitting imperfection.

"Perfection" is a man who everybody heralds as perfect, and inside he is screaming to be seen as the faulty human being that he always has been. Because to no longer be "the perfect one", that would be freeing.

"Perfection" is a woman having an affair because she's too afraid to confront the imperfection in her marriage.

"Perfection" is a twelve-year-old boy killing himself because he is ashamed that he can't stop masturbating.

Stop, and read that one again.

There is a twelve-year-old boy buried 20 miles from where I sit because the "Perfection" that has infected the people around him infected him to the point that he deemed his own life worthless. "Perfection" pushed him to take his own life over something most of us would consider negligible in the life of any teenage boy.

"Perfection" is my friend's cousin swallowing hundreds of pills because she just got the news that she was pregnant, out of wedlock, and the shame was too much to bear. She was only attempting to cause a miscarriage. 24 hours later, she closed her eyes and never opened them again. She is dead because of the "Perfection" infecting those around her. We'd rather you die than shame this family. Thanks for taking care of that, honey. By the way, we'll do the right thing and make ourselves out to be the victims now. We have to. We're infected with "Perfection".

I could go on. This is all a small sampling of the disease called "Perfection". You have brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, extended family members, neighbors, friends, and children who are ALL these things, yet none of us will ever know. "Perfection" is a hideous monster with a really beautiful face. And chances are you're infected. The good news is, there is a cure.

Be real.

Embrace that you have weakness. Because everybody does. Embrace that your body is not perfect. Because nobody's is. Embrace that you have things you can't control. We all have a list of them.

Here's your wake-up call:

You aren't the only one who feels worthless sometimes.

You aren't the only one who took your frustrations out on your children today.

You aren't the only one who isn't making enough money to support your lifestyle.

You aren't the only one who has questions and doubts about your religion.

You aren't the only one who sometimes says things that really hurt other people.

You aren't the only one who feels trapped in your marriage.

You aren't the only one who gets down and hates yourself and you can't figure out why.

You aren't the only one that questions your sexual orientation.

You aren't the only one who hates your body.

You aren't the only one that can't control yourself around food.

Your husband is not the only husband who's addiction sends him online for his sexual fulfillment instead of to you.

Your wife is not the only wife that is mean and vindictive and makes you hate yourself.

Why didn't somebody, anybody, put their arm around that 12-year old boy and let him know that they loved him and would always love him? What was he being told and taught that he would end his own life over something that almost no teenager can control? Maybe that beautiful and wonderful boy would still be alive if even one person had broken down the "Perfection" that completely controlled all those in his life from whom he desperately craved validation.

Why didn't somebody, anybody, tell a beautiful pregnant girl that there was nothing so big in life that it couldn't be made right. Maybe that incredible young woman would still be alive. Maybe her now one-year-old child would be learning to walk or say "Mommy" right now. Maybe.

Maybe.

The cure is so simple.

Be real.

Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it.

You'll love them for it. And you'll love yourself even more.

Let's not forget this quote: "I went out to find a friend and could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere." Somebody who is being a friend doesn't spread "Perfection". Somebody who is being a friend spreads "Real". Then, and only then, can we all grow together.

I am not perfect, nor do I want anybody to think of me as such. Here's my dose of real:

I once stole a box of money that was meant for a child with cancer. There was more than $150 inside. That was 12 years ago, and I still hate the person in me that did that.

I believe in God, but not religion. It took me 30 years to find the courage to say that. It took me 30 years to believe that I could be a good man and still believe that.

I once got so angry at my wife that I hit the wall. The dent is still there, haunting me every time I see it because I never thought that was something I would do.

I once sat in my bedroom crying uncontrollably because I felt like everybody thought I was fat and ugly. I was a full grown man.

There are some people I avoid bumping into in public because I feel like I'm not as good as them.

I judge people harshly who share the same features that I hate about myself.

Sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes I'm not funny. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Sometimes I stay at home on a weekend because I just don't want to see the "Perfection" going on around me. Sometimes I want to drop-kick a perfect person's head across the room.

"Perfection" infects every corner of society. It infects our schools. It infects neighborhoods. It infects our workplaces. This is not to say that there aren't a lot of genuinely, happy people. I am one of those people. Most of the time. There is nothing more beautiful than a person finding true happiness in who they are and what they believe. No, this is not me trying to diminish the happiness in others. This is merely me pathetically attempting to put a face on a problem that I see everywhere but few people ever notice.

This is me, weeping as I write, asking the good people of the world to find somebody to put their arm around and be "real". This is me, wishing that people would realize how beautiful they are, even with all of their imperfections. This is me, sad and desperate for the girls in this world to love themselves. This is me, a very imperfect man, trying to help others feel a little more perfect by asking you to act a little less perfect.

Will you help me spread "Real"? Tell us below just how perfect you aren't. You never know who might be alive tomorrow because you were real today. You never know who needs to feel like they aren't alone in their inability to be perfect. Even if you comment as an anonymous guest, please comment. Tell us what you struggle with. Tell a sad or dark secret. Get vulnerable. Get real. Let's see if we can get 1,000 people showing the world that we're not defined by perfection.

And if you like, share this post. If you want the people around you to start being real, you have to be real first. If it's your first time here, we'd love to have you follow us. I promise it's not always this intense (or nearly this long). I'll post something really funny tomorrow.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing Being Real

produce

After writing my last post about the garden, we were given an idea by my father in law. He said that we need more nitrogen in our soil. That's why the leaves aren't very green. So, we went over to Beaver Bark (I love that place). I asked for assistance in finding the proper fertilizer and told her what was going on. She recommended a fertilizer blend with a mix of nitrogen, phosphorus and something else, but also added that having a higher amount of phosphorus would help with actual production of the vegetables. She also explained that nitrogen leaches out quickly from the soil (I had read that online too) and it will give you lots of leaves, but not necessarily more fruit. So we got some and I put the stinky stuff around all the plants. I've been watching impatiently, like watching and waiting for a pot of water to boil. Today I took a peek and I can definitely tell that the peppers are growing and getting bigger. This really excites me. There also looks to be a possible flower on the pumpkin plant. I don't want to get too excited yet, but that is the most I have seen the pumpkins do since we planted them. Anyway, I am really excited and hoping that we will still be able to get more food out of the garden before the growing season is over. It's really fun to learn knew things.

I forgot to mention, that last year my step-mom, Brandi brought us some raspberry starts and planted them along our fence on the north side of the yard. They have grown very nicely this year. No fruit yet, but they look promising. On the other hand, my step-dad, Dale gave us some beautiful strawberry starts this year. I crammed them in to a spot too close together that didn't get enough water and I have successfully managed to kill them. Darn it. {Sigh}...maybe next year we will have strawberries.

I also think that next year when we plant, I want to try using more starts rather than seeds and I want to plant much more! Even if what we planted was producing to it's full potential, I still don't think it would give us the amount of produce that I would like to use. It's a learning process though, right?!

On Monday I will be picking up a 48 lb box of peaches that I ordered. My neighbor and I are going to either a) can them, b) make jam with them, or c) do some of both. I made spiced peach jam last year and really enjoy that. Then on the weekend we are going over to Yakima with my in-laws to see about picking up some more produce. Maybe some fresh corn and who knows what else.

That reminds me. Yesterday I had my teeth cleaned over in Richland. My appointment was so quick (yes I am patting myself on the back for good oral hygiene) and I had a good amount of time before my 2nd appointment, so I stopped at the farmer's market. I have never been to one and have been wanting to go for a while. It was so fun. I felt so hip. I did find myself wishing that the prices were a little bit lower, but I suppose it's worth it for the quality...and for the experience. If only I had been prepared with my reusable shopping bags I would have definitely felt better about my planet saving rendezvous. <---- (thank goodness for spell check!)

my daughters

I love this picture that I took of Alaina today. She is taking care of her baby by wiping it's bum. She did this not too long after I had changed her diaper.

It's moments like these that cause me to reflect on my role as a mother. It seems so innocent and cute how she is mimicking what I do for her, but it makes me ponder the even bigger picture. She is a mommy in training. And that is not an insignificant thing.

I struggle a lot with feelings of being inadequate at mothering. Just the other day I told someone that "I'm not a natural mother". I guess I don't know what I really mean by saying that, I just don't feel like I am doing that great of a job most of the time...maybe not most of the time, but often. I was never the girl who dreamed of nothing but being a mother and having babies. I always figured I would, but it intimidated me more than excited me. And now that I am here, I feel the pressure.

Being a good...no, great mom is something I think about often. I still search for what it means though...to be a great mom-to my girls specifically. It could mean something very different to each of my children. And what I think would make me a great mom, and how I act on that interpretation, may not be the same as what my children's definition or interpretation may be. Does that make sense?

I think it means being selfless. I mean really, truly selfless. I can think of a million ways that I am NOT that. But I know what I need to work on and that's a start. There are so many things pulling my attention in all kinds of directions. Some, are worth nothing and their cost is a price I do not want to pay.

It occurred to me recently that one way I might go about achieving this is to think of myself as teaching my daughters how to be what I think would be a great mom. It helps me to focus on what I am doing, or in many cases, not doing-and to think about how my actions and words are teaching them what kind of mom to be.

I think this has occurred to me as I listen to how Katelyn speaks to Alaina. Thankfully, there are many more sweet, kind and loving moments where Katelyn is a great older sister, but there are also times when I hear a distinct imitation of me, and it makes me cringe.

I know I won't always be perfect, but I will keep fighting against myself and my weaknesses so that I can hopefully be an influence for good in the lives of my "mommies in training".

the garden

After reading a friend's blog post about her beautiful vegetable garden,
I remembered that I was also going to write about our (less than beautiful) garden.

When I was a kid, I remember us having a garden only once. I don't remember
ever doing anything in the garden though, and I certainly can't say
that I was raised having lots of garden fresh vegetables every year. So, I don't
know much about gardening, and until I married Justin I haven't had tons of interest
in it either.

This was our first garden since moving here and I was so
excited about it because I had heard such great things about growing a
garden in this climate. I just don't know what happened.

I usually rely a lot on Justin to manage the garden, because he actually did
grow up having a garden every year (I think), but I found myself
looking after it more this time. Probably doing it more harm than good, obviously.

We got tomatoes from starts: Roma and Cherry. They have done pretty well.

We planted corn from seed. Half the time, we aren't sure if it's still growing or not.
They aren't very tall, but today I did see what looks like the start of some fruit
forming. My fingers are crossed.

We planted 3 zucchini plants and so far this is all we have to show for it.
I saw one other zucchini on a different plant starting to take form.
I can only hope to get 2.
Everyone else's squash plants that I have seen have these huge, dark green
leaves on them, but ours have only ever been a light green and much smaller in size.

These are our pathetic pumpkins. Are they dead or alive? I don't know.
They don't seem to be growing though.

We planted some peppers from starts. I had a red pepper going earlier that I
was really excited about, but the last time I looked at it, and actually touched it,
it was already rotting. So mad! These are yellow peppers and there are a few tiny
peppers growing. I really wanted some peppers. I love them!

We also planted peas from seed, and they did great! Took off like crazy, but
now they are gone and who really cars about peas anyway!? Not my fave.
The bush beans we planted from seed were also quite
pathetic and in my frustration I ripped all of them up today. Not sure if
I should have been more patient or not.

I'm wondering if we (ok, I) were over-watering them. We were gone most of the week
and after coming back it seems like maybe it has been a little bit better with less water.

I don't know. But I will keep learning as I go.

If you have any ideas I would love to hear them, so please comment.

The Wallowa Falls Campground

After arriving home late from Spokane, we got up the next morning to get ready
for our first camping trip this summer. Our friends, the Madder's invited us
to come with them to Wallowa Lake in Oregon.

We usually go camping at least once a year and I have to admit I have not always
been "in love" with the whole camping thing, although I usually enjoy it once I
am there. Lately though, I have been thinking about it and I have decided that
I am going to have a better attitude about camping. I know the kids love it, and Justin
definitely loves it, so in a nutshell...I need to suck it up. I have decided that I don't
want to miss out on making memories with my little family just because I don't
want the hassle and the little bit of extra work and effort that goes into a camping trip.

Alaina had a great time. I could tell that she loved all the freedom the outdoors
has to offer.

Katelyn loves camping too

We were in charge of dinner the first night. A concoction of potatoes & sausage
and corn on the cob. Not exactly gourmet, but it worked.

Nathan & Jodee

We really enjoyed the campgrounds. I counted a total of 11 sites and all of
them had a creek or "crick" (if you're a WA native) running through them.
The creek made it a little hard to hear one another, but it was still quite pretty.

The Madder's got to bring this fun tent trailer and the kids had
a great time playing with each other in it.

Alaina

My sweet little girls

Alaina & Shavon (I should have taken a picture of Kate with Shavon,
she adores her). Shavon brought a friend, also named Katelyn, and they
were so sweet to let little Kate tag along with them just about the entire time.

group photo during a little walk to explore

I enjoyed watching the little kids (and big kids-see below-) find
entertainment in anything they came across. How fun to be a kid!

"Hey, what's this?" "I dunno, wanna climb this rock wall?" "OK!"
"ew! Is that a spider?" "Yep." "OK. Forget that!"

Later we went to the lake and played on the beach

It's just so much fun to watch the kids play, and play, and play,and...

beautiful scenery

we forgot the swim diapers and Alaina had bit of an accident

all the kids were busy creating wonderful sand sculptures

I just love baby bums

love this man!

Now it's back home and back to the daily grind.
We had a great time and wish we could have stayed longer.