Sad Day

Today is a sad day. Yesterday we helped Corey and Sarah pack all their things into a big moving truck and we said our good-byes. This morning I sort of have that punched in the gut feeling of sadness. We are going to miss them so much. Sarah is one of my best friends in the whole world and I have been spoiled having her live in Newport with us for the past three years. But I know this will be a great adventure for their family and a start of a better career for Corey so at the same time I am really happy and excited for them. I can't wait to visit the town of Forks, WA where they will be living. We love you Corey, Sarah and Ezra!

Pride & Prejudice

I decided to start Pride & Prejudice again a few days ago. Last time I attempted to read it was probably at least 7 years ago, if not more. At the time, I wasn't a big reader and I had a hard time with the language in the book. This time around it is going great. I am really enjoying it. I chose this picture because Colin Firth is the greatest ever!

American Idol Tryouts

Today my sister Britany is heading down to Salt Lake City, UT to see if she can audition for American Idol. Wishing you lots of luck! I hope you get to at least sing for the judges. Have a fun time and enjoy the experience! Love ya sister!

Layout

I just can't keep my mind up about which layout I like. So tonight when I was browsing backgrounds here, I couldn't resist this "Breaking Dawn" background. I am really excited about the 4th book coming out next week. I can't wait to find out how it all ends.

Confrontation

I apologize if what I have to say bothers anyone. I am feeling a little defensive lately. Blame it on the stress, hormones gone awry, or anything else you want. I just have to get some things off of my chest.


I guess, I am just tired of feeling criticized. I am quite aware that I am overweight. I know what my weaknesses are and I know what needs to be done to change that, so I don't need little snide remarks here or there reminding me of my chubbiness. I also am really done with being criticized on my parenting skills, how I spend money and how I manage my household. No one out there is a perfect parent, spouse or anything else and Justin and I need the chance to make our life together the way we feel is best for us. Just because we decide to do something different doesn't make it better or worse, just different. Our children may or may not be breastfed, potty trained by a year old, crawl before they walk, eat all the right foods, or be perfectly mannered. I will not feel like I am ruining my child if he or she eats a cookie or has french fries on occasion. I don't want every move we make or every little undesirable trait in our children to be over analyzed and diagnosed as a problem caused because we did something "wrong". Diversity makes life interesting, yet we are all so eager to judge and criticize the next person.


I really feel that people criticize others to make themselves feel better, subconscious or not. I think we are all too critical of others, myself included and we need to just stop. Right now.


I think a great saying to remember is: "If you cannot say anything nice, then don't say anything at all." Or how about this one: "Accentuate the positive."

New Car

Last night we bid a sad farewell to our old faithful Dodge Intrepid. It served us really well for 132,000 plus miles. I noticed last week that it was leaking something, so we took it in to have it checked out and it turns out that it needed a new water pump. Not only that, but the AC isn't working and we spent a chunk of money last month trying to fix that. And, in March we had to pump even more money into it for another, different problem. It was going to cost quite a bit of money to fix and with that many miles we didn't feel it was worth it. I have been feeling like we probably need to think about a new vehicle, but the part that stings is that we were one payment away from paying the darn thing off. Oh well. We are a one car family and we have to have a car that is in good working condition, especially living out of town.

So...we got this Jeep. This is not an actual picture of our car because our camera is no longer, but this is what it looks like. It is a White 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee. I really, really like it a lot! I would have liked to have been car payment free, but sometimes you have to make choices in life. The best part is having AC that actually works.

p.s. If you have any negative criticisms about this car or our decision, please keep your remarks to yourself, I am not interested in what you think. (if this applies to you, you will know it) Cheers!

100th post of the year!

Julie did this on her blog earlier this year and I thought that while I have some time all to myself this afternoon I would try it to. So, in honor of my 100th post of the year, here are 100 things about yours truly (me).








1. I was born in Frankfurt, Germany- but no, I am not German.


2. I am a middle child



3. I LOVE CHOCOLATE ANYTHING, but mostly chocolate chip cookies! MMMM!



4. When was a toddler, I used to: eat potato bugs; cry so hard that I would turn blue and pass out.



5. I grew up being insanely shy and would cry if someone looked at me the wrong way.



6. My middle name is Leigh (named after my dad's middle name-Lee)



7. I am an obsessive, compulsive napper-bordering narcoleptic :)



8. I love and crave the sunshine and would 100% satisfied if snow did not exist.



9. I worry incessantly about everything! My dad calls me "neurotic".



10. I used to be in really great shape and ran and biked a lot.



11. I once did a 50 mile highway bike ride down in Wenatchee. It was awesome! I did it with a friend and we were the only two people there who were riding mountain bikes instead of road bikes. It was funny! And we didn't DIE!



12. My junior year of high school I was hanging around the wrong kids and ended up handcuffed and in the back of a Police car. (I was totally innocent, of course)



13. I hate telemarketers! Who would choose to do that???? Quit calling me!!



14. I love to laugh!



15. Whenever I talk to my life-long friend Sharon, I for some reason turn into a silly 12 year old girl again. We have some great laughs together!



16. I have discovered over the years that I am NOT patient.



17. I am a carb-o-holic. I love all things bread.



18. Some of my favorite smells are: walking into the quilt shop...ah...there's nothing like new bolts of fabric comin' atchya!--a wood shop...mmm...--clean sheets--wood stove in the distance--a babies breath



19. I have never lived more than 40 miles from my family. I am such a home-body!



20. I love to quilt, but wish I had more time and money to do so.



21. I love my family, both immediate and extended, in all directions.



22. Because I was so shy as a child, in Kindergarten, I was too shy to ask to go to the bathroom, so I just sat in my chair and wet my pants instead.



23. It's hard for me to be around other very shy people sometimes, because I feel awkward and I love it when I don't have to be the lead of conversation, etc.



24. I enjoy reading, but I'm not the type of person who always has a book in my hand.



25. My parents divorced when I was in 7th grade and my mom remarried Dale, who had 6 kids. We turned into a family of 11 kids! Holy Cow!!



26. My feet are size 9.5...I blame it on pregnancy...or it could be being chubby, I don't know, but they never used to be this big before I had Kate.



27. My favorite cent for a candle or my home is: anything like cinnamon spice, apple spice, pumpkin spice..you know, that cinnamony smell.



28. I buy salon shampoo and conditioner.



29. I spend too much on my haircuts, but feel totally justified at the pampering I get from my Salon/Spa (Mosaic).



30. My cheeks are always rosy red.



31. I grew up with a large gap called a "diastema" in between my front teeth. I was always very aware and self-conscious about this.



32. I got braces when I was about 25 years old and had them up until 10 days before I was married.



33. After braces I had cosmetic work done on my four front teeth-I got veneers put on. I LOVE THEM!



34. In general, I am not a fan of country music...quite a bit of it makes my skin crawl.



35. I love "reality" TV. Survivor, AI, So You Think You Can Dance, The Bachelor



36. I hate confrontation, but I wish I could confront people better when I have a problem.



37. I don't hide my emotions very well, I feel like my face gives me away.



38. I enjoy living in a small town, but miss some of the perks of a big city.



39. I love hydrangeas.



40. I snore. Yep. It's true. This also started when I was pregnant and has not stopped. I am really sorry Justin. How embarrassing!



41. Mean people really get on my nerves.



42. I was two months shy of my 27th birthday when I got married. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life!



43. I have played the violin since I was 9 years old. I wish I could have had more private lessons when I was younger, but I think I did fairly well considering. I am really enjoying taking lessons now, as an adult.



44. I was lucky enough to have one of my very best friends (Sarah) become my sister-in-law.



45. Water is the ultimate beverage of choice!



46. It disturbs me when people have toe nails that are too long.



47. I sometimes laugh at inappropriate times, ESPECIALLY this has happened with my sister Britany, my mom, and Sharon. Has this ever happened to you? Like in the middle of church, you get a case of laughter that is hardly containable, and you just sit there with a beet red face, shaking up and down and hoping some noise doesn't squeak out of your mouth on accident.



48. My very fist job was at ZIPS. I worked there for 6 months.



49. My most horrifyingly embarrassing moment is too shameful to even write about.



50. I have always loved brown eyes and am so lucky I married a brown-eyed man because now my beautiful daughter has the same dark brown eyes too!



51. When I was a freshman in high school, I seriously thought I wanted to be an actress. What was I smoking??



52. I miss singing in groups with people like: Sharon, Britany, Katrina, Emily, Birdeena, etc.



53. The longest job I have held was as a surgical assistant to Pat and Chad Collins in Spokane. It was always very interesting, sometimes really nasty, and definitely stressful. I have a ton of great memories though.



54. I hate to hurt people and will feel bad for a long time...like years, if I know I hurt someone at some point.



55. I don't know if I am going to make it to number 100.



56. I hate fighting.



57. I have never read the Old Testament all the way through. I have tried several times and last year I got the farthest I have ever gotten (Exodus...LOL). Hey, that was really good for me ok!



58. I love listening to the Primary children sing. It melts my heart every time. They are so precious.



59. I stay awake routinely until about midnight every night.



60. I hate having sand on my feet at the beech. It is like nails on a chalk board for me.



61. I believe that as a woman it is necessary as well as important to pamper yourself from time to time. You deserve it!



62. My least favorite chores are: taking out the garbage (it's so stinky!) and mopping the floor. Everything else I am pretty cool with.



63. I am notoriously late for sending birthday, Christmas, etc. cards to my Dad and Brandi. It's nothing personal, I promise!



64. Fish creep me out. I don't like fish. Although I have been snorkeling in the ocean and I found that to be pretty spectacular. The fish still creep me out though.



65. I don't eat seafood.



66. It is really satisfying to eat food out of your own garden.



67. I don't understand politics very well. I wish I did. Sometimes I feel very ignorant.



68. I LOVE having dinner parties. I enjoy cooking for other people and trying out new recipes.



69. I think my husband is a HUNK!



70. Places I have lived: Germany, Kentucky, Michigan, Utah, Washington



71. Katelyn makes me LAUGH all the time! She is adorable!



72. I really don't feel like getting to 100...see how impatient I am!



73. Not all cops are bad guys :)



74. I have always wanted better skin and longer, thicker eyelashes.



75. I am right handed

76. My right eye is not as wide vertically as my left eye.

77. I come from a family of loud laugh-ers, and unfortunately I can laugh just as loud as the rest...I'd like to think that I am the quietest laugh-er though, except for my brother Jared, he is pretty quiet.

78. I have flat feet, therefore I had a bunion, which was removed last December. I have a really cool scar to show for it.

79. I love fresh fruit and I prefer my veggies cooked, although I do enjoy salads- in the summer especially.

80. I once stole a laffy-taffy candy from the local circle-K when I was in grade school. I am not proud.

81. I tried to read Pride & Prejudice once, but I couldn't get past all the wordiness of it. I think I am going to try again, maybe this year.

82. If I had it my way, I would never wear nylons, dresses or high-heels. Actually, I will not wear high-heels anymore. My feet can't take it.

83. I love cotton everything! I hate getting dressed up, I don't feel like I am comfortable or that I can move.

84. Turtle-necks are evil.

85. I would have a massage every day if I could.

86. I wish I could help others around me more.

87. My favorite spot to kiss Kate is on the side of her face on her temple.

88. I think Kate has the most beautiful hands ever!

89. I am a big fan of tooth brushing and appreciate this quality in other people as well.

90. One of my favorite quotes is from a sign in the Elementary School Principal's office. It says: "Because NICE matters".

91. I have tried to make bread from wheat once and it did not turn out AT ALL!

92. Almost there...

93. If you think this was a dumb post, don't tell me.

94. I have never been stung by a bee or broken a bone.

95. I never had wisdom teeth.

96. I really love blogging and love reading all of your blogs too! You inspire me.

97. I think all my friends and family should have a blog.

98. I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

99. I have an Eternal Family.

100. I wish you all joy and peace in this life~

My real life

First of all, I really need to get my hands on a working camera. I feel like my blog is much less interesting, (if it's interesting at all) without pictures. Luckily my picture card still works and I had most of the pictures downloaded anyway before it broke. I just retrieved this picture of Kate and Ezra today. This is what they look like when they are having fun and being nice to each other. He was over to visit last night for a while and they did pretty good at first, but I think they both started to get a little sleepy and then the fighting began. Sarah and I would dash from room to room if we heard them start arguing. I don't think either of us want Ezra to be maimed anymore. Suddenly it was like being the referee of a boxing match. Ezra pushing and hitting and Katelyn bearing her teeth, ready to go in for the bite. When I got after her, she started snapping her teeth at ME! And got two little fist fulls of mommy's cheeks in her hands. What in the world is going on with these two?? I am seriously disturbed by their behavior.

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I have decided that it would be GREAT to have a husband who worked a "normal" nine to five job. Today Justin had to get up early and go in to Spokane to listen to a victim of an alleged rape case he is working on. I think he was gone by 8am. Kate and I were up by 8:30 and got a good start on the day. We ate breakfast, put together some puzzles, read a bunch of stories and then I finished cleaning the bathroom, got two loads of laundry done and folded and put away some other clothes. I also got my bedroom cleaned up and sheets stripped. I felt so motivated and had all this energy. I think it's really nice to be able to get going in the morning without having to worry about waking Justin. I can make all the noise I want. It was GREAT!!!!

I should be more used to Justin working nights. After four years of doing this is still feels abnormal. Our lifestyle is very backward and I haven't made the adjustments I think I need to. For example: We don't have a lot of formal meals together. Kate and I eat breakfast together while Justin is sleeping. By the time he wakes up and has his breakfast, Kate and I are onto lunch. Sometimes we'll have an informal meal together late in the afternoon, but I never cook dinner before he goes to work. If I cook dinner, it is usually around 9pm so he can have dinner when he comes home on a lunch break. Sometimes I just don't feel like I have good control over my life. It's time to get a handle on things. Maybe next time he bids for shifts we can switch to days for a while and see how that goes for us. Let me tell ya, it is a challenging life being married to a law enforcement officer.

Vampire Baby

The "terrible two's" are a real thing! Katelyn sees and plays with her cousin Ezra more than any of her other cousins, mainly because they also live in Newport...for now. Ezra and Kate have just been the best of buddies ever since they were born about 4.5 months apart. Well, Kate is two now, and Ezra is rapidly approaching two years of age. It seems that lately their play dates have turned into fight-dates. I love my little nephew dearly, but he has a VERY, VERY, hard time sharing. He is always taking things from Katelyn-sometimes in a rather forceful way-and the little guy is so strong! Katelyn usually whines and cries and isn't too happy with this and sometimes she is very passive and just lets go of whatever she was playing with and surrenders it with a grudge. There have been a few times when Justin and I have wanted her to stick up for herself a little better. Not anymore. Katelyn has found a terrible way of fighting back and telling Ezra how unhappy she is. This weekend she BIT Ezra. TWICE!!! The first time (on Friday) she bit him on his stomach. And yesterday she bit him right on his cheek, below his eye and drew blood. I was horrified. I took her away into their bathroom and spanked her several times on her leg. And although I NEVER want her to bite anyone again, I feel really bad about spanking her like that. Now I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I spanked her too hard, but she started crying pretty good. This is the day and age where if you spank your child you are accused of child abuse. So now I think I am paranoid. I don't know...I just hope that both Ezra and Katelyn learned a lesson yesterday. It's got to be tough being a toddler and not being able to say how you feel. BIG sigh......

Results

Yesterday's ultrasound also found everything to look "normal". The ultrasound lady told me that having a normal ultrasound does NOT rule out an ectopic pregnancy. After the ultrasound, I met with one of the nurse practitioners to discuss what was found, or in my case, not found. I was told by her that my ultrasound looked fine and that because my hCG count is so low that I am not at risk for having an ectopic pregnancy. I asked her about the pain on my left side and she said it was to be considered cramping. I told her that I was frustrated because I didn't feel like I was getting a solid answer about what is going on. So her bottom line answer was that I am having an "incomplete miscarriage". She told me that even a small piece of tissue could be throwing all the numbers off. So. My options: 1. Wait for my body to purge it naturally. 2. Take some medication called Cytotec, to cause cramping and rid my body of what's left. 3. Do a D and C. I told her I was tired of waiting around for my body to take care of it and chose to take the oral medication. I went and stayed the night with my sister in law Sarah because I was expecting to have a bunch of horrible cramping and bleeding, but it turned out to be very anticlimactic and I had neither. I was also given some pain medication and that helped to get rid of the pain on my left side. Today I have been doing fairly well. I started to feel really lightheaded and dizzy and sick to my stomach at around 11am and I still fill a little dizzy and sometimes queasy, but I am doing OK.

But wait! There's more. When I got home this afternoon I got a call from a nurse at my office who said she was calling to tell me that my doctor, Dr. Barrong wanted me to have ectopic precautions. He also wants me to go in early Monday, have another blood draw and then be seen by a doctor at their office-extremely unfortunate that it won't be him because he will be gone. I told the nurse I was getting a lot of mixed messages and explained yesterday's situation and asked if Dr. Barrong knew that I was given Cytotec. She talked to him and then called me back and told me that there is STILL a chance I could have an ectopic pregnancy even if my numbers are low. It makes me want to...I don't know what, but I don't want to see that nurse practitioner again. In retrospect, I was thinking I should have got pushy and demanded to see MY doctor. So now I get to spend another weekend being on alert. I am hoping that this medication will do the trick, but I guess we will see what happens with my blood draw on Monday.

Today I go in for yet another ultrasound. This time I get to do it at my OB office, which I am thankful for. I have been in pain now for more than 24 hours, but I am just trying to push through it so I don't have to go back to the ER. I can just imagine all the medical bills that are getting ready to head our way and it makes me want to throw up a little. I am feeling a little defensive this morning and am not going to take "nothing" for an answer. I need them to find out what it causing this pain and to fix it. I am just praying that they will be able to see something on the ultrasound, especially now that I am having pain. I will post more later when I know more.

"All Better?"

For the past several weeks we have been able to solve a lot of problems and soothe a lot of Kate's concerns by saying, "all better!" She has really taken to this phrase and now uses it on a regular basis, whether it be spills and accidents, owies, or otherwise. She always says it in question form with her head cocked slightly to the side, eye-brows raised and eyes wide. And we always answer enthusiastically, "yep! all better!" It has been a great way to get through some of her toddler crises.

Tonight she didn't go down to bed very easily, so I succumbed and gave her something to eat before trying again. Finally, I was able to take her to her room, read her some stories and sit in the rocker with her. She has been wanting me to sing songs to her lately, which I don't mind because I think it is so sweet and it gives me a chance to snuggle her-and I know those days are numbered and will be gone before I know it. So tonight, I started sing a song and a short way into it, she started saying what sounded like "got? got?" It took me a minute and then I realized she was asking me to sing "I am A Child of God" (since that's one I always sing to her). Once the light bulb turned on I said, "oh, you want me to sing I am A Child of God?" and she said, "mmhmm". How cool is that, right? So, I started singing it and soon enough Kate joined in too, singing the little bits and pieces that she has picked up. I loved it! Definitely another great moment in my mommy book. So, the point I am trying to make is that after having such a lousy weekend, Kate made things "all better" for mommy by helping me to enjoy the great blessings I have in front of me right now. I know that if for some reason Katelyn was the only child we ever got to have, that I would be blessed beyond measure. I know it's important to be happy with what you have right now and know that God will take care of the rest.

No answers yet...

I haven't been able to find out much else today about my abnormal hormones. I called my OB office first thing this morning and when the nurse called back I was really annoyed that I had to explain the situation AGAIN! She had to call me back a second time after she tracked down the radiology report from the ultrasound and Dr. Barrong hadn't even had a chance to look at it yet. She also told me that he would be gone this afternoon. I figured that I wouldn't hear much today afterall. I told her that I hadn't been home in four days and asked that if I needed to have any more blood drawn if I could just go to the Hospital lab in Newport (I have no idea why I hadn't thought of that before) and she said that would be fine, but since I was still "in town" had me go do one more blood draw before heading back to Newport.

It is so nice to be back at my own house. Not that I don't love my parents and in-laws who put me up for the past four days, it's just nice to be "at home". My house is a mess though. I wish I could find more motivation to clean it up better, but today was not the day for that.

It has been a rough weekend for me. All the ups and downs have taken a toll on me-mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was feeling really mad that I was feeling so down and depressed. I was upset that I was totally fine and moving on with my life and then got thrown a curve ball. I was lying in bed today thinking to myself and trying to ask what I am learning from this so I could stop being mad. I do feel a little bit better after being home and I know that I just need to be patient and everything will sort itself out.

I have been having mild cramps ever since I had the ultrasound. I had to have a "trans vaginal" (yeah, that's right- internal) ultrasound. I figured that the cramps were from that. They haven't been too bad, but just in the last half hour I have started to have stronger cramps that seem to be steadily increasing. Hopefully it's nothing. Well, it's after 11 and Kate is still crying for me, so I better go see what she needs. Good night!

Roller Coaster Ride

Thursday, July 10th, I went in for my weekly blood draw. Since I haven't been worrying about anything, I didn't bother to call and find out what my results were. By the time I found out-late Friday-it turns out that my hormone levels went back up. A little confusing for everyone. One of the doctors at my office who was still there said there was a possibility this could be an ectopic pregnancy and they wanted me to get blood drawn again on Saturday. I went in first thing yesterday morning and had my blood drawn and at 11:45 got a phone call from my OB-Dr. Barrong. He said my numbers had increased again-not doubling though, like a normal pregnancy-and talked to me about the concern of an ectopic pregnancy as well. He had me go in to the ER so I could get an ultrasound done. Originally I had one scheduled for Monday afternoon, but I was anxious to find out what was going on, so I did what he wanted me to do. I felt like some of the ER staff thought I was making stuff up, because when I told them I wasn't having any severe pain they all kind of had that "rrrright" expression-and told me, "well, usually people who are having an ectopic pregnancy are in a lot of pain". Duh! Really? So, nearly six hours in the ER (which is really unpleasant, by the way), an ultrasound, and they found absolutely nothing. I was so frustrated. The ER Doc told me that she thought that I just had a miscarriage, probably a couple of weeks ago, and that my hormones might just be out of whack. Wow- that sure makes me feel better. I almost feel like I wish they had found and ectopic pregnancy, so that there would be some explanation of what is going on. I guess I feel sort of mad right now and just really confused. I am supposed to follow up with Dr. Barrong tomorrow and hopefully he can give me something a little more solid to go on. I was so ok with the fact that I was having a miscarriage and then all this happens and I go for an emotional roller coaster ride (more like a kiddie-coaster, but still). First I get all freaked out about an ectopic pregnancy, because they can be really dangerous, feeling like I am just waiting for something bad to happen, like my organs to internally explode, ruin my ovary and fallopian tube or worse and then they find NOTHING! I am taking a day off today to just try and relax and feel what ever I feel like feeling. I hope tomorrow will be a day of better answers, although I will probably just end up going to get more blood drawn. I really trust Dr. Barrong though and he is a wonderful Doctor, so I am sure I will feel better tomorrow after hearing what he has to say about everything, after all, he is the OB expert-not the ER Doc.

Thoughts

I consider my blog sort of like a journal to me. I have not been able to make myself keep a journal since before I got married, and blogging-as dumb as that word sounds-is the best way I have to record the thoughts and events in my life. The problem is that I don't always know just how personal I want to get on here, since it is an open book. Not that I don't trust you all, but in reality, if I did have a journal, it's not like I would leave it out on the coffee table for all to peruse at any given moment. I suppose though, that if this as much as I am willing to make of a journal, then it will have to be OK for me to share my thoughts. My friend Lisa told me that you can actually have your blog scrap booked for you. I haven't exactly got all the details on that process, but it's always in the back of my mind, so I like to record what I can so I will be able to leave some sort of history of myself and my family.

Today was a weird day for me. I got up at 9:30 when Kate woke up and we got into our usual routine-which is nothing to brag about. It normally starts with cold cereal. Kate is into Rice Krispies as of late and likes to have two or three helpings, they are small helpings, don't worry. Then I usually let her watch a movie. Her favorite lately being "Mary Poppins". She watches a show while I putz around on the computer, checking my email, blog, etc. Sometimes I will get started on some housework, but today I just felt like a lump. I didn't want to do anything. I stayed in my pajamas well into the afternoon and desperately needed a shower.

Justin didn't wake up until about noon. After lunch he was able to talk me into going on a walk to the post office. We don't get mail at our house, so we have a semi-regular tradition of taking a walk to the post office to pick up our mail. We really enjoy going on walks together as a family. Kate loves to ride in the "pack-ack"-as she calls it and I love seeing her happy and having a good time with us. After the disappointing mail pick up, we decided to go for a longer walk that we hadn't originally planned on. I realized that I really haven't gotten out for a while to do any walking or anything really. Part of it being the instructions from the doctor, part of it due to not feeling that great and part of being because of the hot weather. Anyway, we went on a nice long walk, got sweaty and got some sun and it felt great.

Sometimes I feel like I am doing a good job in the mommy department, and other times I feel like I totally suck. Lately, I have been losing my patience with Kate. Maybe it's a stage of her life-she won't obey when I ask her to do something. Normally, I do rather well controlling my irritation, but it's been harder lately. I am sure it is because of what is happening inside of me-different stresses and things, rather than her being extra naughty, but I feel really guilty sometimes for being upset with her. She is only two years old for heaven's sake. I guess I was feeling especially bad today because other than going on our walk, I didn't feel like I had spent much quality time with her. So this evening I took a bath with her-which she really likes to do-and then we read books together. I also let her help me make banana bread. I tried getting her down for bed, but it wasn't working out so well. Kate has a hard time going to bed if she is hungry. So I made her a half of sandwich and gave her some juice. I let her stay up until I finished washing the dishes from the baking and decided that was fair enough. She didn't want to go to bed. She wanted to watch a movie, of course. I was able to tell her no and even though she was upset she didn't throw too big a fit. I decided to sit down in the rocking chair with her and hold her and sing some Primary songs to her. She protested a little at first, but then started to calm down. After about a half hour of singing, rocking and tickling her back I realized she had fallen asleep. I love moments like that. I laid her back so I could see her face and held her for a little bit longer. I can't believe how big she is getting and how fast time goes by. She is going to be grown up before I know it. I decided that I really need to do a better job with her. I need to be there for her. I half-heartedly decided that I would only get on the computer when Kate is asleep, so I can have more quality time with her. I am sure I won't be perfect, but looking into her sweet little sleeping face sure makes my resolve a little stronger. Tomorrow I am going to do better.

Hormones

Who knew a miscarriage could take so long to get over with? Last week I had an appointment with my OB to discuss what had taken place and also to have more blood drawn. I waited the weekend to find out that my hormone levels are not yet back to normal. They are steadily decreasing (the hCG level, that is), but they said they wanted it to be under 5 and I'm at 72 still. So that just means that I have to go back every week to have more blood drawn and they will keep having me do that until my number gets below 5. Ya gotta love being a pin cushion.

Anyway, I am anxious for my hormones to normalize again because the Nurse told me last week at my appointment that until my levels are normal, I won't ovulate. She also told me that my Doctor prefers if you have at least one, but preferably two, cycles again before trying to get pregnant. The reason being that one would need time to heal emotionally. I pretty much decided that I didn't feel that would be necessary. I mean, I was really disappointed when I first learned that I was miscarrying, but I can whole-heartedly say that I am over it. I have moved on and accepted it and have faith that I will get pregnant again soon. I was hoping that our kids would be more like 2 years apart, but it looks like it will be closer to 3. I guess God knows me better than I do and probably realizes that I need a bigger gap. Kate will be a great big sister.

4th of July

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July celebration. We were pretty

laid back this year. Justin usually has to work 4th of July, so earlier in

the afternoon we lit some sparklers together as a family. Kate seemed

to enjoy it. After a much needed nap, Kate and I got ready and went up

to Corey & Sarah's for shish-ka-bobs. Sarah made a fantastic dinner.

Grandma and Grandpa Peterson came up too. We had a good time.

Ezra and Kate were silly with excitement and spent a good part of the

night chasing each other around in circles. This is one of Kate's favorite

games. She loves the thrill of the chase, but likes to play hard to get.

Guess she practicing up for when she gets older. Once it got dark we went

outside and lit some fire crackers. Well, really the only thing we lit was some

sparklers. The rest was flame free, which was probably good since Corey

and Sarah are surrounded by a forest and there were two toddlers close by.

Kate and Ezra had the most fun though throwing those little things that pop.

We didn't make it out to watch any fireworks shows, but we could hear them

not too far off in the distance. It was a great night! Tragically, I think I broke

my camera. Some water spilled in the bag the other day and now it won't work

at all and there is a big water spot on the lense, so I have no original pictures

to post for a while. I'll have to change that real soon!!!

WALL.E

Today we were out for a walk as a family and noticed there was a line for a movie this afternoon. Usually there is only one showing of whatever movie is playing that week. We saw that it was this WALL.E movie and Justin suggested we go as a family. We lasted about 45 minutes, or until Kate had had her fill of popcorn. She was pretty funny. She kept laughing really loudly and fake-like whenever all the other kids would laugh...and even when no one else was laughing. I could tell the lady in front of us was getting annoyed, but I didn't care, it's a kid movie for crying out loud! From what we saw it looked like a pretty cute show. It almost seemed like a silent movie and I was sort of wondering what the point of the show was. Maybe if we had stayed longer I would have found out. I think that's the last time we take Kate to a movie for a while. We never get our money's worth, but at least we tried.

Bathroom Vanity

Yay! We have a completely beautiful and working

bathroom vanity! Did I mention it works? I don't know

why the below picture is so orange looking. I am so happy~