1.26.2012

dreams really do come true

Yesterday Justin and I were going through the garage and cleaning out boxes that have been sitting there since we moved in. I came across an old journal that started back in 1998. It was fun revisiting some of the things that happened in my life during that time.

I came across an entry where I wrote about some of the things I wanted in the person I married and the home I would someday have. I'm not going to share specifics, but I will say that my heart swelled as I became more aware that I found a person who matched that description. I am very thankful for my sweet husband. We're not perfect, but he is that guy that I hoped to find.

1.21.2012

joy

Today. I "enjoyed" them. Truly.





1.07.2012

something to think about

This article has been going around facebook and I just finally took a couple of minutes to actually read it.

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/the-death-of-pretty (the direct link)

The Death Of Pretty

Share
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 11:11 AM Comments (385)

This post is intended as a lament of sorts, a lament for something in the culture that is dying and may never been seen again.

Pretty, pretty is dying.

People will define pretty differently. For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.

Once upon a time, women wanted to project an innocence. I am not idealizing another age and I have no illusions about the virtues of our grandparents, concupiscence being what it is. But some things were different in the back then. First and foremost, many beautiful women, whatever the state of their souls, still wished to project a public innocence and virtue. And that combination of beauty and innocence is what I define as pretty.

By nature, generally when men see this combination in women it brings out their better qualities, their best in fact. That special combination of beauty and innocence, the pretty inspires men to protect and defend it.

Young women today do not seem to aspire to pretty, they prefer to be regarded as hot. Hotness is something altogether different. When women want to be hot instead of pretty, they must view themselves in a certain way and consequently men view them differently as well.

As I said, pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend. Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity. Its value is temporary and must be used. It is a consumable.

Nowhere is this pretty deficit more obvious than in our “stars,” the people we elevate as the “ideal.” The stars of the fifties surely suffered from the same sin as do stars of today. Stars of the fifties weren’t ideal but they pursued a public ideal different from today.

The merits of hotness over pretty is easy enough to understand, they made an entire musical about it. Who can forget how pretty Olivia Newton John was at the beginning of Grease. Beautiful and innocent. But her desire to be desired leads her to throw away all that is valuable in herself in the vain hopes of getting the attention of a boy. In the process, she destroys her innocence and thus destroys the pretty. What we are left with is hotness.

Hotness is a consumable. A consumable that consumes as it is consumed but brings no warmth.

Most girls don’t want to be pretty anymore even if they understand what it is. It is ironic that 40 years of women’s liberation has succeeded only in turning women into a commodity. Something to be used up and thrown out.

Of course men play a role in this as well, but women should know better and they once did. Once upon a time you would hear girls talk about kind of women men date and the kind they marry. You don’t hear things like that anymore.

But here is the real truth. Most men prefer pretty over hot. Even back in 6th grade I hated the “hot” Olivia Newton John and felt sorry for her that she had to debase herself in such a way. Still do.

Our problem is that society doesn’t value innocence anymore, real or imagined. Nobody aspires to innocence anymore. Nobody wants to be thought of as innocent, the good girl. They want to be hot, not pretty.

I still hope that pretty comes back, although I think it not likely any time soon. For every Taylor Swift, there are a hundred Megan Foxs, or Lindsay Lohans, or Miley Cyruses etc.

Girls, please, bring back the pretty.


***********************

This really, really made me think. Unfortunately, it made me think about myself more than anything. I am married now, and am not trying to get the attention of other men, but I still wonder and asked myself what my subconscious self wants to look like. Pretty or Hot? If I am honest, I think that a lot of times I do want to look "hot", so to speak. I'm embarrassed now that it's brought to my conscious mind. Lets be honest, a lot of the fashions that are popular, even among my circle of peers are geared toward looking "hot" and "sexy". Seriously, think about it. Stiletto's, the jeans with the diamond butt pockets, the tight clothes. Even the jewelry, I think. I'm not saying that you are an evil person if you have those. I even like the look (well....maybe not the Stiletto's. Probably because I can't walk in them). In fact, I have a pair of black boots that we affectionately refer to as my "sexy boots". When my 5 year old started repeating the phrase (luckily she misunderstood it and called them "sassy" boots), it caught my attention. So now when she's around, we say "sassy" boots. Ugh!

Anyway, I thought it was a really interesting article. I think that it goes beyond the outward appearance though. The real question is why do we want to look this way or want to be sexy or hot? It really has become the norm. What's at the root of it?

I am going to think about how I can change my mindset.

I just looked up the definition of pretty and here's what I got:

1. pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy and gracefulness; a pretty face
2. (of things, places, etc.) pleasing to the eye, especially without grandeur


What are YOUR thoughts????

1.01.2012

the playroom

Here are a few pictures of the girls' playroom.

Painted cherry blossom tree, hooks for dress up

story time shelf Katelyn has been begging for

vinyl quote: "A daughter fills a place in your heart that
you never knew was empty"

A picture of Katelyn at 6 months old and a picture of Alaina
as a newborn that my Doula painted for me.
Willow tree figure of expecting Mother.

just feel like writing

God has blessed me to start another New Year! The year always starts off good when Justin simultaneously goes back on the day shift. He doesn't like the calls as much during the day, but I'm sure he likes his wife a lot more :) I nearly go cuck-coo at the end of his 4 months of night shift. Leaves at 5:15pm gets home and into bed around 6:30-7am, sleeps til 3pm. This translates to A LOTTA just mommy time. (*Somehow I always feel like I am going to be judged for complaining about Justin's schedule. Yes I know their are moms out there who have it worse. Who's husbands are gone much more and longer and whatnot, but this is still MY struggle, so don't downplay what I go through, ok?)

My friend has decided to do a "truth" post (I think every day) on her blog this month. Where so many blogs are the "image" of perfection, she has decided to just lay it all out there and not look back. And I LOVE IT! I want to do that all the time. Sometimes, I fear that I need to be more private, but there are times when I just want to say "look, here's how it really is FOR ME".

So, ya wanna really know some things about ME? If not, you don't have to read my blog.

*I have a mental illness. It is an almost daily struggle for me. I take medication. It has become more of a struggle for me as I have taken on the roll of "mother". I am a Mormon and I don't want to have any more kids. I only have 2. Two is really, really hard, for ME. I would rather have only two children and try to give them the best that I possibly can (and I am not referring to materialistic things), than to have 4 or 5 children (or whatever the most righteous number would be) -just because other people think I should- and go totally and completely off the deep end. And furthermore, it is absolutely between myself, Justin and God as to how many children we decide to have. End of story. I am not a sinner.

*It's been a challenge for me to go through this stage of life as a mom. I feel like I am constantly trying to figure myself out in a lot of ways, which has really bothered me because before I got married I thought I had a pretty good grip on that. I was just about 27 when I got married. Oh yeah, I had it all figured out. I feel like my perspective on a lot of things has changed. Sometimes for the better and probably sometimes for worse.

*I had some challenges in my upbringing that led to me having a lot of anxiety about marriage and motherhood. As as result, I was never the Mormon girl who dreamed of nothing else but getting married and having babies. (*If you were that girl, I am not condemning that in any way, because I do feel that it is a very noble desire, and I admire you for that, it just wasn't who I was). It freaked me out. I always assumed that's what would happen, but the reality of it scared me. A lot. And even after I was married there were many times that I would think that I would be perfectly content if I didn't have any children.

*After I had Katelyn, it changed. I remember a time when she was in her first couple weeks of life and I was holding her, and I thought "how could I have ever thought I wouldn't want this?" (when I decorated their play area, I found a quote that reflected that thought perfectly and I put it on the wall-post will come later).

*I love my two beautiful daughters and I am not a kid-hater in anyway. I just know what I experience and what's best for my well-being. Maybe God has a different plan in mind and if so, then I will accept what He has to offer. If not, I am content with what I have been given and hope I can care for these girls to the best of my ability.

2012

Here's one of the things I got out of church today:

"Do the best you can, and then choose to be
happy with your circumstance."


Spoke volumes to me.

Happy New Year!