9.17.2011
kids
My kids are running around nude (well, the oldest only has underpants on). Katelyn is mixing up some sweet lyrics while showing Alaina the latest and greatest dance moves. Dad's gone at the hockey game so I figure, heck, you can only get away with running around nude for so many years. Party on girls!
9.14.2011
sleep sabotage
Isn't this a pretty picture?Remember how couples used to sleep in separate beds (or you at least remember hearing about this)? I am starting to think they they had the right idea back in those days. And I am seriously contemplating reinstating the idea in our house. I don't know about anybody else, but my husband has some very, very odd sleeping habits. It's been this way ever since we got married, and I am sure he has done it all his life.
There have been times when I have actually been resigned to sleeping on the couch or in the "guest bed" because of his crazy antics. Which include:
*He does this thing, where he will sleep with his hand on his face, elbow up in the air. Well that's all fine and good, but when you are unconscious, gravity takes over and the hand then begins to slide off the face, and if the sound of the sliding hand across the cheek repeatedly isn't annoying enough, there is the subsequent elbow to the head or face (as the hand slides off). My head or face.
*Next, he will start "puffing". It's hard to explain. Basically, when he is exhaling, the breath sort of comes out between his lips and it makes a puffing sound. It is equally as annoying, but not quite as painful as the previous habit.
*Then you've got your regular old snoring on and off.
*I also think that he sleep walks. Just the other night, he got up to go to the bathroom and I saw him go over to his dresser, and open and close the drawer before actually going to the bathroom. He didn't get anything out of the drawer though. Or sometimes he'll get up and just wander around in the living room. Of course, he has no recollection of doing these things, at all.
*Lastly, (and this is the best!) there have been times when I have gotten up to go to the bathroom and he will grab my wrist or around my waist really tightly, as if he is trying to detain me (this makes a little more sense if you know that he is a Police Officer). I admit, it is a little humorous, and we joke about these things a lot. 00
I think I want my own room. Wasn't that the goal when you were growing up, (it was if you had a very large family, like I did) to one day have your very own room. Then we get married, and and it's back to not only sharing a room, but your bed even! I am starting to question the logistics of this.
I guess one benefit of my husband going back on the night shift (the shift switches every 4 months), is that I get the bed ALL TO MYSELF! On the other hand, I feel almost locked out of the bedroom once he gets home from work. Only because I don't want to disturb his sleep.
We dream of one day getting a small piece of property and building a home. Maybe we should build him his very own sound proof sleeping quarters. A place where he can slide his hand, puff away, snore and wander around, without disturbing anyone else (me!). A place where he can also pile his "stuff" to his heart's content and I don't have to look at it every day. That's a whole different topic though.
There have been times when I have actually been resigned to sleeping on the couch or in the "guest bed" because of his crazy antics. Which include:
*He does this thing, where he will sleep with his hand on his face, elbow up in the air. Well that's all fine and good, but when you are unconscious, gravity takes over and the hand then begins to slide off the face, and if the sound of the sliding hand across the cheek repeatedly isn't annoying enough, there is the subsequent elbow to the head or face (as the hand slides off). My head or face.
*Next, he will start "puffing". It's hard to explain. Basically, when he is exhaling, the breath sort of comes out between his lips and it makes a puffing sound. It is equally as annoying, but not quite as painful as the previous habit.
*Then you've got your regular old snoring on and off.
*I also think that he sleep walks. Just the other night, he got up to go to the bathroom and I saw him go over to his dresser, and open and close the drawer before actually going to the bathroom. He didn't get anything out of the drawer though. Or sometimes he'll get up and just wander around in the living room. Of course, he has no recollection of doing these things, at all.
*Lastly, (and this is the best!) there have been times when I have gotten up to go to the bathroom and he will grab my wrist or around my waist really tightly, as if he is trying to detain me (this makes a little more sense if you know that he is a Police Officer). I admit, it is a little humorous, and we joke about these things a lot. 00
I think I want my own room. Wasn't that the goal when you were growing up, (it was if you had a very large family, like I did) to one day have your very own room. Then we get married, and and it's back to not only sharing a room, but your bed even! I am starting to question the logistics of this.
I guess one benefit of my husband going back on the night shift (the shift switches every 4 months), is that I get the bed ALL TO MYSELF! On the other hand, I feel almost locked out of the bedroom once he gets home from work. Only because I don't want to disturb his sleep.
We dream of one day getting a small piece of property and building a home. Maybe we should build him his very own sound proof sleeping quarters. A place where he can slide his hand, puff away, snore and wander around, without disturbing anyone else (me!). A place where he can also pile his "stuff" to his heart's content and I don't have to look at it every day. That's a whole different topic though.
9.07.2011
domesticity
Really took the plunge this year and got some canning done.
peaches (round 1. round 2 happens next week)
applesauce (more to come a bit later in the fall)
corn
pears and spiced pear jamI have gotten way more into it this year. It makes me feel good to know that I helped save us a little money. My kids love the home-canned fruit (bonus!). And I like acquiring new skills. I just wish I had a better place to store it all. That little closet underneath the stairs is getting pretty full now.
9.04.2011
Rainbows
I like to look for rainbows whenever there is rain
And ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again.
I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away,
And I can be forgiven and improve my life each day.
I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain.
I want to be the best I can and live with God again.
Two weeks ago and again today, this song has brought me near to tears. I am in the Primary Presidency and on days like today and days like two weeks ago, I feel like such a hypocrite standing in front of these little children, trying to teach them about what is right and wrong. I am glad they have good parents.
Like I said earlier today, I usually can manage to get a least one little tid-bit out of church these days. I guess today it was this simple song. Reminding me of who and what I want to be. I am thankful I was baptized so that my wrongs could be washed away. And I am more thankful for the Atonement because I need it so badly.
And ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again.
I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away,
And I can be forgiven and improve my life each day.
I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain.
I want to be the best I can and live with God again.
Two weeks ago and again today, this song has brought me near to tears. I am in the Primary Presidency and on days like today and days like two weeks ago, I feel like such a hypocrite standing in front of these little children, trying to teach them about what is right and wrong. I am glad they have good parents.
Like I said earlier today, I usually can manage to get a least one little tid-bit out of church these days. I guess today it was this simple song. Reminding me of who and what I want to be. I am thankful I was baptized so that my wrongs could be washed away. And I am more thankful for the Atonement because I need it so badly.
I used to really like Sundays
Now, more than 50% of the time I am grouchy and irritable. Probably a direct correlation with the fact that Justin works every other Sunday. I have the privilege of getting 2 little girls and myself ready for church and then go to church for 3 hours, without his help. The first hour being the worst. As if a 2 year old really wants to sit still and listen to speakers for an hour and 10 minutes. It's more like a show and I have to be the act, keeping them entertained at all times, lest there be a toddler meltdown. I'm not going to lie, I really don't like doing it.
My irritability today is enhanced by knowing that we have one week left and then Justin goes back to the night shift again for another 4 months. He works today. He will be there next Sunday and then, because church starts at 11am right now, once he starts night shift, he will most likely NOT be there for the next 4 months. Sleep is very important in the life of a Police Officer. And Justin does not operate well on little sleep.
The truth is, I really don't even feel like going half of the time. I don't get much out of it right now. When I do have the rare opportunity to actually listen to what is being said, I always get something out of it and feel uplifted and inspired even. The other truth is, I really wish I could be in Sunday School and Relief Society. I miss it a lot. I fee like I need it. Oh well.
I hate the eve of night shift. I always feel on the verge of an anxiety attack. Just hoping and praying that we will make it through another 4 months. Some days I want to take a flying leap of the railing of our deck.
My irritability today is enhanced by knowing that we have one week left and then Justin goes back to the night shift again for another 4 months. He works today. He will be there next Sunday and then, because church starts at 11am right now, once he starts night shift, he will most likely NOT be there for the next 4 months. Sleep is very important in the life of a Police Officer. And Justin does not operate well on little sleep.
The truth is, I really don't even feel like going half of the time. I don't get much out of it right now. When I do have the rare opportunity to actually listen to what is being said, I always get something out of it and feel uplifted and inspired even. The other truth is, I really wish I could be in Sunday School and Relief Society. I miss it a lot. I fee like I need it. Oh well.
I hate the eve of night shift. I always feel on the verge of an anxiety attack. Just hoping and praying that we will make it through another 4 months. Some days I want to take a flying leap of the railing of our deck.
9.03.2011
what's the secret?
I'll tell you what the secret is. It is not knowing that you are going to get fondled when you go in to buy a new bra!
Seriously, I had no idea they had gotten so personal. Actually, I may sound appalled, but it really wasn't a big deal to me (obviously, or I wouldn't be blogging about it). I found it kind of humorous actually. Twenty-something Emily offered to help me find what I was looking for and when she couldn't hear me, asked me to step into the dressing room area with her. We actually went into a dressing room together and she shut the door. I guess she could hear me better that way???
Luckily she left when I tried it on, but then, being the good sales-person that she is came knocking to see how it fit. I said "good!" Then she asked to come in. "Uh....just a second...(nervous laugh)". I had to re-work a few things before letting her back in. I felt a little awkward when she came back in and began pulling and tugging here, and patting ever so slightly over there. She was very helpful though and suggested I needed a smaller size (YES!), so we went through the whole ordeal again, with the new size. Voila! $42+tax dollars later and I am a happy woman (some things I am willing to pay for if it means good quality and that it will last a long time). Oh, and I also learned that you can have "muffin top"...up there! Fortunately for me, that wasn't the case. I wish I could say the same for my waistline.
I wonder if I should have tipped her...
Alaina is 2
Good Morning!
birthday snuggles (or "nuggles") with big sister
We had a super low-key day and then I made an apple pie with a crumb top
for her birthday dessert. She wore her birthday hair all day.
We love you kiddo!
last summer shindig
We planned one last camping trip for the end of summer. This trip we had
planned to meet up with my Dad and Brandi and camp for 2 nights.
This is Kate's camping attire....hmmm.
planned to meet up with my Dad and Brandi and camp for 2 nights.
This is Kate's camping attire....hmmm.
I guess you don't have to sacrifice style and fashion just because
you are going out into the wilderness.
Well, the truth is, it wasn't really much of a wilderness...except
for the rattlesnakes and bull snakes you might come across.
2 little monkeys jumpin' on the bed....
So, we went to Wanapum State Park campground over by Vantage, WA.
Originally we planned on going to Perrygin Lake in WA, but I was trying
to be frugal on the gas budget and asked if we could go somewhere closer
to our house. None of us knew how WINDY this place would be.
We managed to get the tents set up and start on dinner and the longer we were
there, the windier it got. Pots were flying off the table.
No wonder there were so many houses on wheels at this place.
Anyway, after dinner we decided that we had had enough of that,
and we packed up and came back to our house.
the end
1st day of Kindergarten
She sure loves to pose
Her school is tucked in our neighborhood, just a couple of blocks from our house.
We will get to take a nice morning walk ever day to drop her off and pick her up.
She was a little apprehensive about lining up on the wall all alone.
(must have been that kid with the wild hair) -j/k
So Dad hung with her for a few.
She had a good first day and is still excited to go to school.
I'm gonna have to make sure she gets a REALLY good night's sleep before class
though, because she was an absolute bear after we picked her up.
I did not cry.
And by the way, I am not just excited about her going to school because I
want to "get rid of her" for a few hours. (Justin keeps telling people this and it's just not true).
And I don't think it's very funny.
I am excited for her.
For all the reasons I have already posted about.
Thank you very much.
9.01.2011
Our Alaina
On the eve of miss Alaina's 2nd birthday, I think it would be fun to revisit her birth story and one of the most incredible experiences I have ever been through. Enjoy!
Tuesday September 1, 2009
The day started out like most of the other days leading up to it. I had already given my Dad a hard time for “cursing” me. He really wanted me to have the baby in September, rather than August because we have so many birthdays and anniversaries already in August. Justin was at work and I stayed home with Dean and Joyce. They were helping can peaches that day. I guess they weren’t really “helping”, they were doing all of it and I sort of watched and asked questions here and there. I made a nectarine pie earlier in the day and was really looking forward to eating it after dinner. I felt pretty low key the whole day. I was trying to remain relaxed and patient as we waited for the baby to come. I was feeling somewhat restless though, and I was able to get some dusting done. Just after 6pm, I decided to go lay down on the bed for a little while. As I was laying there, I started to have some contractions, but they didn’t seem to be a big deal and weren’t painful. I had been having contractions like this on and off for several days now and decided not to get too excited about it. Besides, they didn’t last or progress, so no big deal.
Justin worked late that night and I was still resting when he got home. My mother in law made dinner and I came out to eat around 8pm or so. After dinner, I completely indulged in some nectarine pie and vanilla ice cream, having a little more than I should.
Sarah had done some acupressure on my ankles earlier in the evening and she was encouraging Justin and I to take another walk after dinner. We left the house around 9pm and as we were leaving, Katelyn came running out crying. She wanted to come on the walk too and it just about broke my heart seeing her upset and running to us. She was probably wondering what we were doing and why she was being left out this time. We like to go on walks as a family.
We didn’t go on a very long walk, but we found one small hill to go up. Katelyn got tired after walking up the hill and wanted Justin to carry her back. She fell asleep on his shoulder-it was really sweet. On the way back to the house Justin said to me, “you know, this might be the last walk we take as just a family of three.”
We got Katelyn to bed and decided we would try a few more “at home” induction techniques. I hardly had a chance to fall asleep when I felt my first contraction. I looked at the clock and it said 11:11pm. It was a fairly strong contraction, so I decided to pay attention and see what would happen. About 9 minutes later, I had another one. These were a lot stronger than the contractions I had previously been having and I wasn’t able to try and sleep through them. I decided to change into my “labor clothes”, managed to put some fresh deodorant on and just started walking around trying to breathe through the contractions. I started writing them down as they came. Here is what it looked like:
Contraction:
11:11pm
(9 min)
11:20pm
(6 min)
11:26pm
(5 min)
11:31pm
(4 min)
11:35pm
(contraction while on the toilet)
11:41pm
(3 min)
11:44pm
(2 min)
11:46pm
I Stopped keeping track after that.
I could not believe how strong the contractions were. I called Amanda, my Doula at 11:52pm. I told her I was going to try and stay at home for a while and she told me she’d be here in an hour. I really didn’t want to wake Justin up because he had been up since 4 am and had just barely gone to bed. I did go in and tell him that it was happening though. However, he has no recollection of that. After I called Amanda, I went down to tell Sarah that things had started and she came out to help me. I had been trying to use the breathing techniques I had been practicing, but it wasn’t working very well. I could not sit still. I had to keep walking or rocking. I tried to sit on the birth ball, but it was really uncomfortable. The contractions were getting more and more intense and I started thinking to myself that there was no way I was going to make it several more hours like this without any pain medication.
I started to feel sick to my stomach and went in the bathroom. I had pooped about three times already, which I was happy about because I really don’t like to do it while I am pushing. I threw up big time. That nectarine pie wasn’t so good the second time around. Sarah came to check on me and I told her to go get Justin up. He came down to see if he could help and turned the bathroom fan on right away. He asked if I was ok and I told him, “no! we need to go!” I asked him to bring me the phone so I could call my mom and then he went upstairs to get our bag and get some clothes on. My mom answered and sounded like she didn’t know who I was, which admittedly, kind of annoyed me at the time. Like who else would be calling in the middle of the night. I couldn’t talk because another contraction was coming on and I put the phone down and told Sarah to “tell her”. Apparently my mom didn’t hear me say, “hold on” and they got disconnected (I think). Eventually she got the message. It was about 12:15am when I called her. Justin was about ready and got the car started. Sarah was trying to get Audrey’s things together to take her out to my mother in law in the trailer. I remember saying to Justin, “screw the birth plan.” I had to go to the bathroom again and went upstairs. I was having another major contraction and suddenly I felt my body bearing down. I think I was in shock and I called for Sarah and told her, “I think I’m pushing, I think I’m pushing! We have to go, we have to go now!” I tried to breathe. I wiped off and saw some thick blood. I grabbed a towel and headed out to the car. The cool night air felt so good to me. I threw to towel on the seat and got in the car. Justin was close behind and I started having more contractions along with the urge to push. I became very vocal at this point. I think I may have howled as we backed out of the driveway and went over some bumps. I was so thankful that Justin wasn’t poking along. Things got crazy at this point. With every contraction, my body was pushing. I felt my water break in the car. I absolutely felt zero control over what was happening. I was yelling and screaming and telling Justin, “I’m pushing, I’m pushing!” I heard him floor the gas pedal. Luckily under normal circumstances, the hospital is only about 10 minutes away. I believe the clock in the car said 12:26am when we left the house. Justin remained very calm, but drove fast. I seriously was howling and hollering and screaming with each contraction. I could not believe what was happening. I was trying to breathe fast and keep my chin up like I remembered hearing you were supposed to do if you were trying not to push. Nothing was working though. I kept screaming, telling Justin, “hurry! I’m pushing, I’m pushing! She’s going to come out, she’s gonna come out!” He got on the phone and called 911 to let them know what was going on. I swear they were asking a million questions and I was getting a little annoyed. Couldn’t they hear me screaming in the background. We were a few blocks from the hospital and I was very worried that this baby was going to come out in the car. Justin was great. He was holding my hand and saying, “don’t push, don’t push, you’re doing great!” I felt slightly hysterical at this point. I yelled some more. “She’s coming out, I can feel the burning, I can feel the burning!” They were waiting for us at the ER entrance with a bed. They tried to help me out, but I could hardly move. I managed to get on the bed and continued howling and yelling the whole time. I lost a shoe getting on the bed. I remember saying, “help me, help me! She’s coming out, she’s coming out!” They ran me down the hallways (luckily it is a smaller hospital), and I was yelling the whole time, like a mad woman. I saw one woman come out into the doorway of one room. I could not help myself. I was telling the medical staff, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I never thought I’d behave this way.” On the way into the room, I said, “can I get a shot of something?” I don’t think anyone heard me or answered me. They managed to get me onto the delivery bed, take my pants off etc. My body just felt rigid. I was grabbing the bed rails with all my might. At some point Justin made it into the room. He tried getting me to grab his hands, but I wanted to bed rails. He was cute. I remember him asking if I wanted the music. HA! I declined. The staff was telling me to bend my legs and don’t be scared. One of the nurses only managed to get one glove on and another one’s glove was all crooked and had some fingers in the wrongs spots and some fingers not in any spots. I got my legs back and my body kept pushing. It felt like the baby was coming out of my crotch and a huge turd was coming out of my butt. It hurt. I felt more burning and pressure, but there was nothing I could do. There was not one push during the entire process that was of my own will or choice. I could not believe what I was feeling. Her head came out and I felt some relief, then some more burning and her body was out, then more relief. Alaina was born at 12:40 am. She was delivered by Dr. Brooks. We barely made it into the hospital room and it was the most horrifying, intense, exciting, exhilarating, coolest, most amazing experience that has ever happened to me. I got the natural birth I was hoping for, just not nearly in the way I had imagined. So much for all that practicing. I felt so bad for Sarah and Amanda, who along with my midwife, missed the birth. But it was incredible. Total scene out a movie, type birth story. All of it true. We have a beautiful, healthy girl and are so happy.
Alaina’s Birth Story
Tuesday September 1, 2009
The day started out like most of the other days leading up to it. I had already given my Dad a hard time for “cursing” me. He really wanted me to have the baby in September, rather than August because we have so many birthdays and anniversaries already in August. Justin was at work and I stayed home with Dean and Joyce. They were helping can peaches that day. I guess they weren’t really “helping”, they were doing all of it and I sort of watched and asked questions here and there. I made a nectarine pie earlier in the day and was really looking forward to eating it after dinner. I felt pretty low key the whole day. I was trying to remain relaxed and patient as we waited for the baby to come. I was feeling somewhat restless though, and I was able to get some dusting done. Just after 6pm, I decided to go lay down on the bed for a little while. As I was laying there, I started to have some contractions, but they didn’t seem to be a big deal and weren’t painful. I had been having contractions like this on and off for several days now and decided not to get too excited about it. Besides, they didn’t last or progress, so no big deal.
Justin worked late that night and I was still resting when he got home. My mother in law made dinner and I came out to eat around 8pm or so. After dinner, I completely indulged in some nectarine pie and vanilla ice cream, having a little more than I should.
Sarah had done some acupressure on my ankles earlier in the evening and she was encouraging Justin and I to take another walk after dinner. We left the house around 9pm and as we were leaving, Katelyn came running out crying. She wanted to come on the walk too and it just about broke my heart seeing her upset and running to us. She was probably wondering what we were doing and why she was being left out this time. We like to go on walks as a family.
We didn’t go on a very long walk, but we found one small hill to go up. Katelyn got tired after walking up the hill and wanted Justin to carry her back. She fell asleep on his shoulder-it was really sweet. On the way back to the house Justin said to me, “you know, this might be the last walk we take as just a family of three.”
We got Katelyn to bed and decided we would try a few more “at home” induction techniques. I hardly had a chance to fall asleep when I felt my first contraction. I looked at the clock and it said 11:11pm. It was a fairly strong contraction, so I decided to pay attention and see what would happen. About 9 minutes later, I had another one. These were a lot stronger than the contractions I had previously been having and I wasn’t able to try and sleep through them. I decided to change into my “labor clothes”, managed to put some fresh deodorant on and just started walking around trying to breathe through the contractions. I started writing them down as they came. Here is what it looked like:
Contraction:
11:11pm
(9 min)
11:20pm
(6 min)
11:26pm
(5 min)
11:31pm
(4 min)
11:35pm
(contraction while on the toilet)
11:41pm
(3 min)
11:44pm
(2 min)
11:46pm
I Stopped keeping track after that.
I could not believe how strong the contractions were. I called Amanda, my Doula at 11:52pm. I told her I was going to try and stay at home for a while and she told me she’d be here in an hour. I really didn’t want to wake Justin up because he had been up since 4 am and had just barely gone to bed. I did go in and tell him that it was happening though. However, he has no recollection of that. After I called Amanda, I went down to tell Sarah that things had started and she came out to help me. I had been trying to use the breathing techniques I had been practicing, but it wasn’t working very well. I could not sit still. I had to keep walking or rocking. I tried to sit on the birth ball, but it was really uncomfortable. The contractions were getting more and more intense and I started thinking to myself that there was no way I was going to make it several more hours like this without any pain medication.
I started to feel sick to my stomach and went in the bathroom. I had pooped about three times already, which I was happy about because I really don’t like to do it while I am pushing. I threw up big time. That nectarine pie wasn’t so good the second time around. Sarah came to check on me and I told her to go get Justin up. He came down to see if he could help and turned the bathroom fan on right away. He asked if I was ok and I told him, “no! we need to go!” I asked him to bring me the phone so I could call my mom and then he went upstairs to get our bag and get some clothes on. My mom answered and sounded like she didn’t know who I was, which admittedly, kind of annoyed me at the time. Like who else would be calling in the middle of the night. I couldn’t talk because another contraction was coming on and I put the phone down and told Sarah to “tell her”. Apparently my mom didn’t hear me say, “hold on” and they got disconnected (I think). Eventually she got the message. It was about 12:15am when I called her. Justin was about ready and got the car started. Sarah was trying to get Audrey’s things together to take her out to my mother in law in the trailer. I remember saying to Justin, “screw the birth plan.” I had to go to the bathroom again and went upstairs. I was having another major contraction and suddenly I felt my body bearing down. I think I was in shock and I called for Sarah and told her, “I think I’m pushing, I think I’m pushing! We have to go, we have to go now!” I tried to breathe. I wiped off and saw some thick blood. I grabbed a towel and headed out to the car. The cool night air felt so good to me. I threw to towel on the seat and got in the car. Justin was close behind and I started having more contractions along with the urge to push. I became very vocal at this point. I think I may have howled as we backed out of the driveway and went over some bumps. I was so thankful that Justin wasn’t poking along. Things got crazy at this point. With every contraction, my body was pushing. I felt my water break in the car. I absolutely felt zero control over what was happening. I was yelling and screaming and telling Justin, “I’m pushing, I’m pushing!” I heard him floor the gas pedal. Luckily under normal circumstances, the hospital is only about 10 minutes away. I believe the clock in the car said 12:26am when we left the house. Justin remained very calm, but drove fast. I seriously was howling and hollering and screaming with each contraction. I could not believe what was happening. I was trying to breathe fast and keep my chin up like I remembered hearing you were supposed to do if you were trying not to push. Nothing was working though. I kept screaming, telling Justin, “hurry! I’m pushing, I’m pushing! She’s going to come out, she’s gonna come out!” He got on the phone and called 911 to let them know what was going on. I swear they were asking a million questions and I was getting a little annoyed. Couldn’t they hear me screaming in the background. We were a few blocks from the hospital and I was very worried that this baby was going to come out in the car. Justin was great. He was holding my hand and saying, “don’t push, don’t push, you’re doing great!” I felt slightly hysterical at this point. I yelled some more. “She’s coming out, I can feel the burning, I can feel the burning!” They were waiting for us at the ER entrance with a bed. They tried to help me out, but I could hardly move. I managed to get on the bed and continued howling and yelling the whole time. I lost a shoe getting on the bed. I remember saying, “help me, help me! She’s coming out, she’s coming out!” They ran me down the hallways (luckily it is a smaller hospital), and I was yelling the whole time, like a mad woman. I saw one woman come out into the doorway of one room. I could not help myself. I was telling the medical staff, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I never thought I’d behave this way.” On the way into the room, I said, “can I get a shot of something?” I don’t think anyone heard me or answered me. They managed to get me onto the delivery bed, take my pants off etc. My body just felt rigid. I was grabbing the bed rails with all my might. At some point Justin made it into the room. He tried getting me to grab his hands, but I wanted to bed rails. He was cute. I remember him asking if I wanted the music. HA! I declined. The staff was telling me to bend my legs and don’t be scared. One of the nurses only managed to get one glove on and another one’s glove was all crooked and had some fingers in the wrongs spots and some fingers not in any spots. I got my legs back and my body kept pushing. It felt like the baby was coming out of my crotch and a huge turd was coming out of my butt. It hurt. I felt more burning and pressure, but there was nothing I could do. There was not one push during the entire process that was of my own will or choice. I could not believe what I was feeling. Her head came out and I felt some relief, then some more burning and her body was out, then more relief. Alaina was born at 12:40 am. She was delivered by Dr. Brooks. We barely made it into the hospital room and it was the most horrifying, intense, exciting, exhilarating, coolest, most amazing experience that has ever happened to me. I got the natural birth I was hoping for, just not nearly in the way I had imagined. So much for all that practicing. I felt so bad for Sarah and Amanda, who along with my midwife, missed the birth. But it was incredible. Total scene out a movie, type birth story. All of it true. We have a beautiful, healthy girl and are so happy.
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