2012

Here's one of the things I got out of church today:

"Do the best you can, and then choose to be
happy with your circumstance."

Spoke volumes to me.

Happy New Year!

Rainbows

I like to look for rainbows whenever there is rain
And ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again.

I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away,
And I can be forgiven and improve my life each day.

I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain.
I want to be the best I can and live with God again.

Two weeks ago and again today, this song has brought me near to tears. I am in the Primary Presidency and on days like today and days like two weeks ago, I feel like such a hypocrite standing in front of these little children, trying to teach them about what is right and wrong. I am glad they have good parents.

Like I said earlier today, I usually can manage to get a least one little tid-bit out of church these days. I guess today it was this simple song. Reminding me of who and what I want to be. I am thankful I was baptized so that my wrongs could be washed away. And I am more thankful for the Atonement because I need it so badly.

I used to really like Sundays

Now, more than 50% of the time I am grouchy and irritable. Probably a direct correlation with the fact that Justin works every other Sunday. I have the privilege of getting 2 little girls and myself ready for church and then go to church for 3 hours, without his help. The first hour being the worst. As if a 2 year old really wants to sit still and listen to speakers for an hour and 10 minutes. It's more like a show and I have to be the act, keeping them entertained at all times, lest there be a toddler meltdown. I'm not going to lie, I really don't like doing it.

My irritability today is enhanced by knowing that we have one week left and then Justin goes back to the night shift again for another 4 months. He works today. He will be there next Sunday and then, because church starts at 11am right now, once he starts night shift, he will most likely NOT be there for the next 4 months. Sleep is very important in the life of a Police Officer. And Justin does not operate well on little sleep.

The truth is, I really don't even feel like going half of the time. I don't get much out of it right now. When I do have the rare opportunity to actually listen to what is being said, I always get something out of it and feel uplifted and inspired even. The other truth is, I really wish I could be in Sunday School and Relief Society. I miss it a lot. I fee like I need it. Oh well.

I hate the eve of night shift. I always feel on the verge of an anxiety attack. Just hoping and praying that we will make it through another 4 months. Some days I want to take a flying leap of the railing of our deck.