Meaningful Weekends

Last weekend we took a trip to Federal Way, WA to watch our niece Maddie swim in a big meet. We don't get to see this brother's family very often (Justin's oldest brother) and since they were coming fairly close to us, we thought we'd make the trip over to cheer her on. It made me wish I could swim. I loved the sound of the water and watching all those kids gliding effortlessly through it.

We had a great time! We got to stay in a hotel for 2 nights, which I always think is kind of fun. We got to watch TV! Whenever Justin and I are in a hotel, it seems that we always end up watching the Food Network. We used to love watching that channel back when we had television at home. We especially loved watching Iron Chef America, which is exactly what we watched while at the hotel.

The girls really enjoyed getting to swim in the pool. Katelyn likes to go underwater whenever possible. Alaina loved going back and forth from the pool to the hot tub.

We ate at Red Robin and Olive Garden and Wendy's. We went to the Mall. This Mall has a Target attached to it and the girls (Audrey, Katelyn and Alaina) had fun trying sun hats on.

Corey and Sarah's family came up to watch some of the swimming too, which was a lot of fun. Sarah and I got to go see The Hunger Games.

Katelyn really adores her cousin Maddie and was constantly asking to know where she was and if she could go see her. I suppose it could be a little annoying to have a 5 year old wanting to follow you around for 3 days, but Maddie was really sweet with the girls.

On Sunday, we left to head towards home, but stopped in at Corey & Sarah's on the way. We ended up staying for 2 nights. We have always been really close with them. I am extremely lucky to have gotten one of my really good friends (and former roommates) for a sister in law. And she as become one of my dearest friends over the years.

The kids played and played and played together. We ate delicious homemade food. We went to the Library and to the Roslyn museum. We enjoyed sunshine and fresh air and trees. I went running with Corey and killed my lungs in their high altitude. We talked and read books and I didn't want to leave!

I reflected on some things in my life. I came to some conclusions, made some new resolves (some I am going to have to work really hard at).

Three months ago, I had a really bad day. Really bad! I refer to it as a "break down", and it was...of sorts. Truthfully, I had been leading up to this point for several months, maybe even years. I have been in conflict with myself for about 2 years actually. Struggling with my role in life, as it is right now, especially as a mother. It was a Sunday morning, Justin was working. Sundays are hard for me when he isn't there. Something small, very small happened and I snapped. There was a rage inside of me that scared me to death. So much that I thought I needed to go to the hospital. I was sure I was bipolar or something worse was happening to me. A friend took my girls for the day, Justin came home and he took me to the Crisis Center. I didn't want to go. I felt stupid and embarrassed. It makes me feel sad to think back on it, but the outcome of that day was a referral to a Counselor. And the good news is that it is exactly what needed to happen. I have gone once a week for the past 12 weeks. It is only the beginning, but I can see how it is helping already. Someone posted this on facebook today and it rang very true for me:

"It is easier to build up a child, than to repair an adult,
choose your words wisely."

Which is exactly why it is going to take a lot longer than 12 weeks to get where I want to be. I think that the most profound thing that I have learned so far is that {my moments of weakness/imperfection/struggle, whatever you want to call it, do not define me as a whole.} I still don't' always want to believe that, but right now, it is my lifeline.

Three Rivers Counseling

playroom fun

OK. So I am not a painter, but I think it will work. One time my mom explained her Dad (who I never really had the opportunity of knowing) as being a "jack of all trades, master of none". As I was working on this tree I thought about that description and felt like I could relate. I enjoy doing a lot of different things, or at least trying. However, I have never felt like I have found one specific thing that I am just really good at. Some could call it being...."well rounded". And I am ok with that. Anyway...

I decided one day a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to re-do the girls' playroom area. Nothing jaw-dropping, but just give it a little spice. I decided I wanted to paint a tree on the wall. I am really, really in love with the blue paint I picked. I always get a little nervous about picking out paint and I was worried that it was going to be lighter than I wanted, but when it dried it was the most perfect beautiful shade of blue. Exactly what I had envisioned. I think it's called "Crystal Aqua" by Valspar (in case anyone cares). Did I mention that I LOVE this color? I want to wrap myself up in it!

Originally, I wanted to wait until Christmas Eve night to paint the tree, but in a moment of... "emotion" yesterday (yep, on Sunday!) I decided to just get started, even if the girls were watching. Thank goodness, because it took me quite a while. So, I will wait to put the blossoms (which Katelyn has declared must be pink) on until Christmas Eve night and then I have a few other new things to add as well, but you (my faithful followers...anyone out there???), along with my girlies will have to wait. It may not be the best or fanciest playroom out there, but I think my girls will love it, so that will make me happy enough.

Rainbows

I like to look for rainbows whenever there is rain
And ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again.

I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away,
And I can be forgiven and improve my life each day.

I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain.
I want to be the best I can and live with God again.

Two weeks ago and again today, this song has brought me near to tears. I am in the Primary Presidency and on days like today and days like two weeks ago, I feel like such a hypocrite standing in front of these little children, trying to teach them about what is right and wrong. I am glad they have good parents.

Like I said earlier today, I usually can manage to get a least one little tid-bit out of church these days. I guess today it was this simple song. Reminding me of who and what I want to be. I am thankful I was baptized so that my wrongs could be washed away. And I am more thankful for the Atonement because I need it so badly.