Now, more than 50% of the time I am grouchy and irritable. Probably a direct correlation with the fact that Justin works every other Sunday. I have the privilege of getting 2 little girls and myself ready for church and then go to church for 3 hours, without his help. The first hour being the worst. As if a 2 year old really wants to sit still and listen to speakers for an hour and 10 minutes. It's more like a show and I have to be the act, keeping them entertained at all times, lest there be a toddler meltdown. I'm not going to lie, I really don't like doing it.
My irritability today is enhanced by knowing that we have one week left and then Justin goes back to the night shift again for another 4 months. He works today. He will be there next Sunday and then, because church starts at 11am right now, once he starts night shift, he will most likely NOT be there for the next 4 months. Sleep is very important in the life of a Police Officer. And Justin does not operate well on little sleep.
The truth is, I really don't even feel like going half of the time. I don't get much out of it right now. When I do have the rare opportunity to actually listen to what is being said, I always get something out of it and feel uplifted and inspired even. The other truth is, I really wish I could be in Sunday School and Relief Society. I miss it a lot. I fee like I need it. Oh well.
I hate the eve of night shift. I always feel on the verge of an anxiety attack. Just hoping and praying that we will make it through another 4 months. Some days I want to take a flying leap of the railing of our deck.
5 comments:
DeAnne, I could have said this entire post myself. I hear ya! Sunday is my least favorite day of the week because it translates into three hours of standing in a hallway hoping the time will pass faster. Hang in there :)
I hear ya! When Jeff was working all those crazy weird shifts, he usually worked Sundays, or Saturday nights, or Sunday nights. Leaving me to get all three ready by myself. I never wanted to go either. But I told myself we would be blessed in some way by going.
Having him work all those crazy shifts and not being at church with me gave me a new appreciation for what you and others go through every Sunday your husband isn't there.
The only good news is that it eventually gets better if you keep at it. But it really takes a long time. THe blessings will come, and you'll be so glad that you lived through the misery. Think of this stage as the most agonizing part of childbirth. It's nice for me to see my older two behaving themslves (mostly) and knowing the answers in sharing time. It makes me glad I didn't give up, even though I hated Sundays for a loong time too.
You can sit next to us every sacrament if you like. We'll have our kids entertain each other and we'll try to hold down the fort. If you need to step out with Alaina, Katelyn can hang with us.
Stick with your calling for one year and then let someone else have a turn. If you feel like you can't make it because you miss Relief Society, tell the Bishop that. I know how you feel. When I was a primary teacher, I really missed Relief Society. I was so lonely. Then, when they released me as a primary teacher I was called as 1st counselor in the Relief Society! The thing I've learned about church callings is we all have our turn with everything. And it doesn't last too long.
The night shift thing is so very hard, I can imagine. I'm so sorry that's how it is. It breaks my heart for ya because I know that it would be so lonely. I am sure it is hard on Justin too, knowing how hard it is on you. Brandon is on call every single weekend. Most weekends, he does not get called. But on the weekends he does, sometimes it's really irritating because I just feel like he worked hard all during the week and that's our time. I'm not trying to compare. What I want you to know is that I understand our husbands jobs can be a big pain sometimes. It's hard for them too. Brandon has Elders Quorum visits most Tuesday nights at 7 and also he likes to try to do basketball on Thursday nights. You are always welcome to come hang out here, but in case you wanted to come over when Brandon wasn't around, I just wanted to tell you that Tuesdays/Thursdays are good nights for girl time (with kids of course).
I feel your pain, DeAnne. I wish I could offer some great suggestion, but I'm in the same boat. It was tougher for me in Forks when I was in the Primary Pres. too. I think mothers serving in Primary are pretty special, it's a great place to serve but it can be draining. Someone must think you're a special, capable woman to do that.
That was something I appreciated in Newport, how the RS arranged for the YM/YW to take care of Primary so all the sisters could have a special RS mtg. together. Maybe your ward could do that???
I hope these next 4 months go quickly for you!
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