I consider my blog sort of like a journal to me. I have not been able to make myself keep a journal since before I got married, and blogging-as dumb as that word sounds-is the best way I have to record the thoughts and events in my life. The problem is that I don't always know just how personal I want to get on here, since it is an open book. Not that I don't trust you all, but in reality, if I did have a journal, it's not like I would leave it out on the coffee table for all to peruse at any given moment. I suppose though, that if this as much as I am willing to make of a journal, then it will have to be OK for me to share my thoughts. My friend Lisa told me that you can actually have your blog scrap booked for you. I haven't exactly got all the details on that process, but it's always in the back of my mind, so I like to record what I can so I will be able to leave some sort of history of myself and my family.
Today was a weird day for me. I got up at 9:30 when Kate woke up and we got into our usual routine-which is nothing to brag about. It normally starts with cold cereal. Kate is into Rice Krispies as of late and likes to have two or three helpings, they are small helpings, don't worry. Then I usually let her watch a movie. Her favorite lately being "Mary Poppins". She watches a show while I putz around on the computer, checking my email, blog, etc. Sometimes I will get started on some housework, but today I just felt like a lump. I didn't want to do anything. I stayed in my pajamas well into the afternoon and desperately needed a shower.
Justin didn't wake up until about noon. After lunch he was able to talk me into going on a walk to the post office. We don't get mail at our house, so we have a semi-regular tradition of taking a walk to the post office to pick up our mail. We really enjoy going on walks together as a family. Kate loves to ride in the "pack-ack"-as she calls it and I love seeing her happy and having a good time with us. After the disappointing mail pick up, we decided to go for a longer walk that we hadn't originally planned on. I realized that I really haven't gotten out for a while to do any walking or anything really. Part of it being the instructions from the doctor, part of it due to not feeling that great and part of being because of the hot weather. Anyway, we went on a nice long walk, got sweaty and got some sun and it felt great.
Sometimes I feel like I am doing a good job in the mommy department, and other times I feel like I totally suck. Lately, I have been losing my patience with Kate. Maybe it's a stage of her life-she won't obey when I ask her to do something. Normally, I do rather well controlling my irritation, but it's been harder lately. I am sure it is because of what is happening inside of me-different stresses and things, rather than her being extra naughty, but I feel really guilty sometimes for being upset with her. She is only two years old for heaven's sake. I guess I was feeling especially bad today because other than going on our walk, I didn't feel like I had spent much quality time with her. So this evening I took a bath with her-which she really likes to do-and then we read books together. I also let her help me make banana bread. I tried getting her down for bed, but it wasn't working out so well. Kate has a hard time going to bed if she is hungry. So I made her a half of sandwich and gave her some juice. I let her stay up until I finished washing the dishes from the baking and decided that was fair enough. She didn't want to go to bed. She wanted to watch a movie, of course. I was able to tell her no and even though she was upset she didn't throw too big a fit. I decided to sit down in the rocking chair with her and hold her and sing some Primary songs to her. She protested a little at first, but then started to calm down. After about a half hour of singing, rocking and tickling her back I realized she had fallen asleep. I love moments like that. I laid her back so I could see her face and held her for a little bit longer. I can't believe how big she is getting and how fast time goes by. She is going to be grown up before I know it. I decided that I really need to do a better job with her. I need to be there for her. I half-heartedly decided that I would only get on the computer when Kate is asleep, so I can have more quality time with her. I am sure I won't be perfect, but looking into her sweet little sleeping face sure makes my resolve a little stronger. Tomorrow I am going to do better.
2 comments:
Sweetie, you are a great mother who loves her daughter and whose daughter loves her mom. One of the most difficult periods in the life of a parent is when that child starts say by action, that I want some control of my life. It does not mean the child is failing or the parent. The important thing is to recognize what is happening. Sucking up your frustration and finding ways to get around the little battle of the minds is the challenge.
Need I remind you that in those moments of frustration, do not let your mouth overide your love of the angel. Once the words are out, they can't be put back in and the sting of those words can last a very long time, right?
Discipline should be natural and logical so as to teach the child there are consequences to their actions and decisions.
For a parent to do weller in their roll of parents, it is an absolute that their minds must be in the game. You should look at what you can do to get your mind in the best place you can. Do I need to clarify that furhter? If so, call me.
I love you and your family. I agree, looking into that wonderful angelic face, will make most want to be the best. She is a Child of God
De~ You appreciate life so much! I enjoyed reading your "thoughts" as I never thought about blogging in that way before. Hopefully things are going well for you! I'll call you this week! :)
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