the playroom

Here are a few pictures of the girls' playroom.

Painted cherry blossom tree, hooks for dress up

story time shelf Katelyn has been begging for

vinyl quote: "A daughter fills a place in your heart that
you never knew was empty"

A picture of Katelyn at 6 months old and a picture of Alaina
as a newborn that my Doula painted for me.
Willow tree figure of expecting Mother.

just feel like writing

God has blessed me to start another New Year! The year always starts off good when Justin simultaneously goes back on the day shift. He doesn't like the calls as much during the day, but I'm sure he likes his wife a lot more :) I nearly go cuck-coo at the end of his 4 months of night shift. Leaves at 5:15pm gets home and into bed around 6:30-7am, sleeps til 3pm. This translates to A LOTTA just mommy time. (*Somehow I always feel like I am going to be judged for complaining about Justin's schedule. Yes I know their are moms out there who have it worse. Who's husbands are gone much more and longer and whatnot, but this is still MY struggle, so don't downplay what I go through, ok?)

My friend has decided to do a "truth" post (I think every day) on her blog this month. Where so many blogs are the "image" of perfection, she has decided to just lay it all out there and not look back. And I LOVE IT! I want to do that all the time. Sometimes, I fear that I need to be more private, but there are times when I just want to say "look, here's how it really is FOR ME".

So, ya wanna really know some things about ME? If not, you don't have to read my blog.

*I have a mental illness. It is an almost daily struggle for me. I take medication. It has become more of a struggle for me as I have taken on the roll of "mother". I am a Mormon and I don't want to have any more kids. I only have 2. Two is really, really hard, for ME. I would rather have only two children and try to give them the best that I possibly can (and I am not referring to materialistic things), than to have 4 or 5 children (or whatever the most righteous number would be) -just because other people think I should- and go totally and completely off the deep end. And furthermore, it is absolutely between myself, Justin and God as to how many children we decide to have. End of story. I am not a sinner.

*It's been a challenge for me to go through this stage of life as a mom. I feel like I am constantly trying to figure myself out in a lot of ways, which has really bothered me because before I got married I thought I had a pretty good grip on that. I was just about 27 when I got married. Oh yeah, I had it all figured out. I feel like my perspective on a lot of things has changed. Sometimes for the better and probably sometimes for worse.

*I had some challenges in my upbringing that led to me having a lot of anxiety about marriage and motherhood. As as result, I was never the Mormon girl who dreamed of nothing else but getting married and having babies. (*If you were that girl, I am not condemning that in any way, because I do feel that it is a very noble desire, and I admire you for that, it just wasn't who I was). It freaked me out. I always assumed that's what would happen, but the reality of it scared me. A lot. And even after I was married there were many times that I would think that I would be perfectly content if I didn't have any children.

*After I had Katelyn, it changed. I remember a time when she was in her first couple weeks of life and I was holding her, and I thought "how could I have ever thought I wouldn't want this?" (when I decorated their play area, I found a quote that reflected that thought perfectly and I put it on the wall-post will come later).

*I love my two beautiful daughters and I am not a kid-hater in anyway. I just know what I experience and what's best for my well-being. Maybe God has a different plan in mind and if so, then I will accept what He has to offer. If not, I am content with what I have been given and hope I can care for these girls to the best of my ability.

2012

Here's one of the things I got out of church today:

"Do the best you can, and then choose to be
happy with your circumstance."

Spoke volumes to me.

Happy New Year!

crafting

One of the things I love about Christmas is homemade gifts. I thought I
would share a couple that I made this year.

I actually got this idea from Pinterest. Justin has hung his ties on a
thick metal hanger as long as we have been married. I thought this
was a cute idea and it was his gift from the girls along with a new tie.
He even helped me make it and was great about pretending he
didn't know what it was. He drilled the holes and put the pegs in.

On the Peterson side of our family we (the siblings) exchange family
gifts each year for Christmas. I found this woven fabric at a yard sale
early this Spring. It's very nice quality and I knew exactly what I
wanted to use it for. A rag quilt.

There wasn't as much fabric as I was hoping, so it turned out to be
a nice sized lap quilt. Perfect for snuggling up under and
reading a good book.

We had Corey & Sarah's family this year, so I picked out this rustic
ski lodge flannel motif for the backing.

I also made a 'welcome' sign for their front door, but I forgot to
take a picture of it. I love making signs out of "reclaimed" wood.

Christmas 2011

After we enjoyed Christmas at home, we drove over to Roslyn, WA to
spend some time with Corey & Sarah's family. We had such a
nice visit. The highlight of the trip for the kids was our trip up to
the Salmon La Sac area. It was beautiful and even I enjoyed
the snow. It has it's rightful place on earth, and this is one of them.

Here is a picture of Katelyn and Ezra being pulled by Corey's dog, Sitka.
(with a little help from Sarah)

Ready for a ride!

Alaina had a great time

Audrey, Ezra & Katelyn

Sarah & Claire

Beautiful scenery, great company. What more could you ask for?

playing in the snow
We saw lots of snowmobiles, cross country skiers and dogs!

Justin is getting ready to take Alaina sledding for the very 1st time.

Even though he sort of went over the top of her, she still loved it.

I think this was Katelyn's 1st time sledding as well. She was scared,
but I made her do it and she too loved it and wanted to keep going.

The gang (minus Justin)

After enjoying some hot cocoa

Christmas Day 2011

Santa was super nice to me this year and brought me a
Silhouette Cameo! Very excited to play with my new toy :)

I got this idea for a tie rack from Pinterest.

Katelyn with a couple of her new toys.

Alaina was up for much picture taking, but I snagged this one
of her hugging her pee wee pillow pet- penguin.

Katelyn with another present. Play-Doh (my favorite!)

Christmas Eve 2011

We have kept with the tradition of letting the girls open one present on Christmas Eve.
It's always new pajamas.
Here they are strutting their stuff.

We left some goodies out for Santa and his reindeer.

We were out of cookies, so we left pizza instead. Figured Santa gets
too many sweets anyway, right?

reflecting on Christmas

Today I invited my Japanese neighbor over to make bread. I have really enjoyed getting to know her over the past two and a half years. She is adorable and funny and very kind.

While she was here, we had an interesting conversation about Christmas. She is native Japanese, so I asked her about Christmas in Japan. She explained that they celebrated Christmas, but of course, it wasn't about the birth of Jesus, it was mostly about Santa Claus. I also picked up over different conversations recently, on the impression that they only get their children one gift. I wanted to know for sure, so I just came out and asked her. She confirmed that yes, they only do one gift. That is how she was raised in Japan. They only got one gift, and gifts were for children only, not for the adults. So, she is still getting accustomed to how Christmas is over here in the US and her husband, who is American has also had to adjust to only getting one present, as he was raised the complete opposite of that.

I have to admit, it made me feel a little silly and embarrassed as she stood there in my living room near our Christmas tree that has presents spread out all over around and under it (and I have always tried to keep Christmas fairly minimal). But it has really given me a lot to think about.

Each year I almost ALWAYS have an inner struggle when it comes to the idea of buying Christmas presents. I don't want to go crazy, but then at the last minute I always worry that I haven't done enough. And it's just plain silly. Of course I have done enough. I have done more than enough, as is evidence by our spread under our tree.

It makes me feel frustrated to be honest. I truly hate how Christmas has become so focused on the presents. If you are honest with yourself, you know that is true. Not for everyone out there, I know, but for the majority- I would be willing to say that it is a bigger focus than we even realize. Even amongst those of us who are Christian and know what the true celebration is all about.

I don't like it, but I wonder if I would be willing to let myself be different. I hope so. I know I definitely want to try. Next year will be the start, obviously. I want to challenge my little family to see if we will be willing to give each other only one gift. That's it. Could be interesting....

playroom fun

OK. So I am not a painter, but I think it will work. One time my mom explained her Dad (who I never really had the opportunity of knowing) as being a "jack of all trades, master of none". As I was working on this tree I thought about that description and felt like I could relate. I enjoy doing a lot of different things, or at least trying. However, I have never felt like I have found one specific thing that I am just really good at. Some could call it being...."well rounded". And I am ok with that. Anyway...

I decided one day a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to re-do the girls' playroom area. Nothing jaw-dropping, but just give it a little spice. I decided I wanted to paint a tree on the wall. I am really, really in love with the blue paint I picked. I always get a little nervous about picking out paint and I was worried that it was going to be lighter than I wanted, but when it dried it was the most perfect beautiful shade of blue. Exactly what I had envisioned. I think it's called "Crystal Aqua" by Valspar (in case anyone cares). Did I mention that I LOVE this color? I want to wrap myself up in it!

Originally, I wanted to wait until Christmas Eve night to paint the tree, but in a moment of... "emotion" yesterday (yep, on Sunday!) I decided to just get started, even if the girls were watching. Thank goodness, because it took me quite a while. So, I will wait to put the blossoms (which Katelyn has declared must be pink) on until Christmas Eve night and then I have a few other new things to add as well, but you (my faithful followers...anyone out there???), along with my girlies will have to wait. It may not be the best or fanciest playroom out there, but I think my girls will love it, so that will make me happy enough.

tough day

There is a long list of firsts that you encounter as a parent. Tonight I had one.

I asked Katelyn to get into her jammies, and she started to get sad and mumbled something under her breath. I finally got her to tell me what she was saying. She said, "I'm not fast at running." Then she started bawling. So we sat down to talk about it. She told me that she isn't fast at running when she is at recess and she can't keep up with the other kids and then loses sight of them. She also told me that she didn't have anyone to play with at recess. I don't know if that is completely true, but it still made me feel bad. It all made my heart hurt for her. And I just thought in my head....Oh girl, this is just the beginning!

I was so incredibly glad to get out of school-when I graduated high school. The school years can be tough emotionally. Lots of anxiety, peer pressure, stress to do well in class, etc. Blah! If I hadn't had a church group for support, I don't know how I would have survived. It was hard enough going through it for yourself, and now...we get to go through it again via our children. Boy, do I ever need wisdom!