Last weekend we took a trip to Federal Way, WA to watch our niece Maddie swim in a big meet. We don't get to see this brother's family very often (Justin's oldest brother) and since they were coming fairly close to us, we thought we'd make the trip over to cheer her on. It made me wish I could swim. I loved the sound of the water and watching all those kids gliding effortlessly through it.We had a great time! We got to stay in a hotel for 2 nights, which I always think is kind of fun. We got to watch TV! Whenever Justin and I are in a hotel, it seems that we always end up watching the Food Network. We used to love watching that channel back when we had television at home. We especially loved watching Iron Chef America, which is exactly what we watched while at the hotel.
The girls really enjoyed getting to swim in the pool. Katelyn likes to go underwater whenever possible. Alaina loved going back and forth from the pool to the hot tub.We ate at Red Robin and Olive Garden and Wendy's. We went to the Mall. This Mall has a Target attached to it and the girls (Audrey, Katelyn and Alaina) had fun trying sun hats on.
Corey and Sarah's family came up to watch some of the swimming too, which was a lot of fun. Sarah and I got to go see The Hunger Games.
Katelyn really adores her cousin Maddie and was constantly asking to know where she was and if she could go see her. I suppose it could be a little annoying to have a 5 year old wanting to follow you around for 3 days, but Maddie was really sweet with the girls.On Sunday, we left to head towards home, but stopped in at Corey & Sarah's on the way. We ended up staying for 2 nights. We have always been really close with them. I am extremely lucky to have gotten one of my really good friends (and former roommates) for a sister in law. And she as become one of my dearest friends over the years.
The kids played and played and played together. We ate delicious homemade food. We went to the Library and to the Roslyn museum. We enjoyed sunshine and fresh air and trees. I went running with Corey and killed my lungs in their high altitude. We talked and read books and I didn't want to leave!
I reflected on some things in my life. I came to some conclusions, made some new resolves (some I am going to have to work really hard at).
Three months ago, I had a really bad day. Really bad! I refer to it as a "break down", and it was...of sorts. Truthfully, I had been leading up to this point for several months, maybe even years. I have been in conflict with myself for about 2 years actually. Struggling with my role in life, as it is right now, especially as a mother. It was a Sunday morning, Justin was working. Sundays are hard for me when he isn't there. Something small, very small happened and I snapped. There was a rage inside of me that scared me to death. So much that I thought I needed to go to the hospital. I was sure I was bipolar or something worse was happening to me. A friend took my girls for the day, Justin came home and he took me to the Crisis Center. I didn't want to go. I felt stupid and embarrassed. It makes me feel sad to think back on it, but the outcome of that day was a referral to a Counselor. And the good news is that it is exactly what needed to happen. I have gone once a week for the past 12 weeks. It is only the beginning, but I can see how it is helping already. Someone posted this on facebook today and it rang very true for me:
"It is easier to build up a child, than to repair an adult,
choose your words wisely."
choose your words wisely."
Which is exactly why it is going to take a lot longer than 12 weeks to get where I want to be. I think that the most profound thing that I have learned so far is that {my moments of weakness/imperfection/struggle, whatever you want to call it, do not define me as a whole.} I still don't' always want to believe that, but right now, it is my lifeline.
Three Rivers Counseling
Three Rivers Counseling
