I got to listen to more of conference today than I usually do. Alaina was napping during the second half and that made it easier to hear and concentrate. Conference is always great, but in between sessions I was watching some of the short programs they had on and I caught the segment about Stephanie Nielson. I know of her story, but I don't regularly follow her blog (maybe I should start). One of the statements she said was: "I am not my body". It really stuck out to me and I thought on it for a while. It especially stood out to me in light of what I just finished doing, meaning the weight loss challenge. I had a hard time in the first several weeks of it, because I felt like I was obsessing over it, over how well, or not well I was doing. How many ounces? Who was ahead of me? Who was I ahead of? When prior to that, I had felt really good about the slow progress I had made last year. It took me quite a while to work out the frustration and obsession.
I feel like I came from a home where weight was (and still is) obsessed about. Most of my life, it didn't affect me too much, because I was always the "skinny" sister. Maybe I got lucky, I don't know. Maybe I was blessed to have an interest in and enjoy physical activity. I can still hear the words in my head that were said to me, or to my siblings about weight. I can remember as far back as junior high. "You better be careful, or you'll turn out like so and so..."
It wasn't until after I got married that I started to put on weight. I was comfortable, I was not working, I was in a town that had...not a whole lot, and I had so much fun baking! And so much fun eating was I was baking. And a husband with an appetite as big as 3 regular size men! (love you babe), and he didn't care what I ate. I don't even think he thought about it. I love Justin. He never, ever, ever complained or said anything about me putting on weight. It would not have helped if he did. It would have just hurt me.
It's weird. When I look back at pictures, I can't believe how heavy I was, but at the time, I honestly still felt like I was 140 pounds and a size 10.
I believe that it was because of Justin's unconditional love, that I remained really pretty comfortable in my skin. He always told me how beautiful I was. "HOT" even.
I definitely do not want to go back, but I refuse to obsess over my weight. I refuse. I am not striving for a perfect body. It's never going to happen. I have carried and birthed two children. I have stretched out skin, faded stretch marks, 4 scars on my belly from surgery and a host of other imperfections. I really don't care. I don't care if I have crows feet or laugh lines. To me, it all tells a story of what I have been through and experienced in life. And I am thankful for the body I have been blessed with.
I don't want to talk about my weight loss all the time. I am striving for a healthier body and a more active life. If I weigh 160 pounds and can run a half marathon, I think I am doing pretty darn good.
I am so much more than my body!
And so are you!
6 comments:
beautiful post.
So true!! And so well written! Thanks for the encouragement. I lost 10 lbs this winter and have been feeling bad for not losing 20. You are right! I am not my body and am grateful for all that the Lord has helped me become!
I love Stephanie Nielsen's blog. I've seen her segment too. It's good to be reminded of what we've been blessed with. Weight has been on my mind a lot lately too. It's hard because I was always the skinny sister too. Now, after 3 kids, I'm 30 pounds heavier and not loving it. It's hard to remember what a blessing our bodies are sometime, thanks for the reminder!
Love it!
I love what you said, I'm still am trying daily to be comfortable in my own skin and your comments really hit home. Love ya.
You definitely are more than your body. And even though you look fantastic, be more proud of the goals you have met, and the future goal of your race, than the size of jeans you fit into. You are amazing!
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