Five minutes ago I went out to the living room and got my laptop because I thought I wanted to write something on my blog. And...here I am five minutes later not remembering what it is I wanted to say.
I'm not sure I have blogged anything since getting pregnant with our third child. I've been documenting most of my thoughts into a digital scrapbook that will be for the baby. Sometimes I want to, and have a tendency to share everything with the world, but lately I have been wanting to keep more of it inward. I'm not really sure why.
There has always been a part of me that is very insecure. There was a period in my life where I felt like I had overcome it in a big way. And now, recently, for some reason it has circled back around a bit and I almost feel like I am having to redefine myself or find myself again in certain ways. The good thing is that I know I'll get there.
Growing up, I always really valued friendship. I really needed good friends in my life and I had them. As I have become a mother and my peers have become mothers, friendships seem to be so much different to me now. I guess it's because we have children now and our lives revolve around these little people so much. I wouldn't trade that for anything, however, I still need those real friendships in my life, yet I am left wanting, or at least wanting more.
3 comments:
I want to be one of your real friends. Anyway, do not be insecure. Shut out those thoughts!! I bet you feel that way because in your past people have criticized you or made you feel insecure. I can empathize because for me growing up, it was my constant comparing myself to others that made gave the wrong spirit a real presence and voice in my head telling me constantly, all day that I wasn't good enough at this, that or the other. It wasn't my family doing this, just me. My dad gave me some good advice, he said: "Don't listen to that voice. When you listen to it, you give it a stronger voice." So shut that voice up in your head that tells you to feel insecure. You are a BEAUTIFUL, strong woman. You have two gorgeous children and are giving life to a third. You have a beautiful home, a great yard, an awesome husband and you are sensitive and honest and living the gospel AND on top of that, you are an artist and a musician. You are smart and always improving yourself in every way. I can tell you from an outside perspective with complete honesty and no flattery here: you have EVERY reason to be proud of yourself and hold your head up high!! The trick is, pregnancy just makes me tired and sick feeling, the entire 9 months. And when your body is going through so much physically, there is no way it won't take a toll emotionally. So it is definitely okay to feel insecure when you are pregnant. It is normal and healthy. Have a coping mechanism: example: when I start to feel insecure I'm going to listen to to such and such song or just wrap myself in a poofy quilt with my kids and read a story. Sometimes, you can have everything going for you but when you are pregnant, feeling insecure is just part of the process. Watch a chick flick and bawl your eyes out. That always helps me release some emotion. Play the violin. CALL ME or come over to my house! I will talk with you for hours and our children can play. Come over this Friday if you want. Or have us over, whatever is easier for you. :)
yes i agree,friendships seem to be so much different as you get older.. When i was young and single ,my friends were the ones i shared everything with.... They were the ones i when to when i had good news to share, when i need a shoulder to cry on, when i needed to vent or advise .. But Now i have a husband to share good news to go to when i need a shoulder to cry on, when i needed to vent or advise ..
it's kind of weird how things change....
I know what you mean about friendships. I get so busy doing stuff for my girls and taking care of the house. I'm "busy" all the time but still feel really lonely. I think your awesome and would love to spend more time with you.
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