I have realized over the years, maybe the last 6 or 7 years, that I have become sort of cynical. I'm not sure if that is really the most accurate word to describe it though. Whatever it is, I am disturbed by it. Let me see if I can share some examples:
Lets take finding a spouse, for example. When I was younger-18, 19 years old or so- I am pretty sure that I believed in finding "the one". I totally thought my "first love" was "the one", but obviously, he wasn't. Not that he couldn't have been, but it just didn't work out that way. I didn't get married until just two months before I turned 27. I dated some really great guys and some ok guys and one real scumbag. Justin ended up being "the one" and I am so lucky to have him. Now that I have two daughters, I think to myself...I will NOT be ok if they get married before they are at least 25. I mean, how could someone younger be ready for such a serious thing as marriage? Then the other part of my brain thinks, maybe they should get married when they are younger and before they get all crusty and too independent like me. Maybe they would be more doting than I am and that could be a good thing. Poor Justin-I can be just a little bit sassy at times. I can become very defiant if I feel like I am being told what to do or if I feel like I am being controlled in any way. Hmmm. That doesn't sound good. Don't get the wrong idea- Justin is not that way at all. I mean, he can suggest that maybe I should go to bed instead of staying up too late- and I will almost turn into a 2 year old in protest. Don't tell me what to do! Anyway, so I don't believe in soul mates or anything like that. I believe there are probably several people in the world that each of us could have a successful marriage with. Does that make sense. I believe in finding "a one" rather than "the one" although when you do find him, he really is "the one"...so what do I know?
I just think it's crazy to see these young "kids" hardly date at all and then suddenly get engaged after dating someone for a very short time. I think, oh my gosh! Do they even know who they are? What do they like? What do they dislike? Do they even know??? Maybe this is where I lack faith.
A while ago I wrote about how I was feeling frustrated with a lot of things in life. I think some of that frustration is because before I got married, I felt like I had really gotten to know myself pretty well (probably not as well as I thought). And now. Now, I feel like I am trying to figure myself out all over again...as a wife and especially as a mother. Trying to figure out what I think and how I feel about certain things in life. I don't like not knowing. I want to feel certain. But I guess life is all about learning and growing. Maybe the problem is that I am too impatient. Shocker! I want it all figured out right now, dangit! (sigh) Oh well.
Well, I guess those are my very scattered and rambling thoughts for the morning.
9 comments:
i say its better to be a little cynical. it makes people think about things in different light. i am WAY more cynical than i once was and not afraid to show it when its needed....which has certainly caused some hurt feelings. thats the down side i guess.
oh- and i complelty agree about people marrying so young! i was married at 22 and it literally took years for us to finally get to a stable place.
I think when you get married is up to you. I married as an old, spinster, jaded fart. Really. And then it took me a almost two years to soften up and find that girl I was when I was 19 with stars in my eyes for any guy that winked at me. I also think soul mates are a real thing for some people-and others, they could be happy with more than one person and they just find "the one" that makes them happy and go with him/her. Brandon and I are the soul mates kind. I was "lead" directly to him with help from God. No joke. He was thankfully available and from there it's history. Don't let people marrying young bother you. Don't let the fact that you married not as young bother you. The thing is, you have a really nice family now. Justin, from what I can tell loves you and your girls so much. I saw him lean in and give you a kiss at church. And YOU, you are a great mom to your girls. You are beautiful and wonderful.
I feel like we are similar in terms of being a little independent. That's understated-REALLY independent. It comes with getting married later, among other things. Sometimes, it's a weakness but other times it's a real strength so be proud when it's a strength and work on it when it's a weakness-that's what I TRY to do anyways.
I don't think you lack faith, but rather are realistic.
I am amazed when those we-met-two-months-ago-and-now-we're-married couples stay together. "All we need is love" works well in a song, but not so much in real life. Marriage is challenging, and hormones and a few common interests are not enough.
I wish for more confidence sometimes...that the decisions I'm making are good...that I'm doing things "right." If there were a guide to life, then I would buy it, highlight, take notes. *Sudden realization* that must be what the scriptures are for!
FIrst I have to laugh because I'm 25 right now. Ok I know I shocked a lot of people and lost a friend over my meet and married in 4 months. But for us it worked. We are taught our whole life to discern the spirit and I knew I was making the right choice as CRAZY as it may have seemed. I think some thought our marriage wouldn't have lasted even till now but we are HAPPY. MArriage is hard work no matter how long you know eachother before. I love my husband and our 5+ years together have been the best and many nore to come.
I know Rachel. After I posted this I thought...hmmmm...I'm probably going to offend someone (not intentionally and not that you were offended). I also thought that I should follow up by saying, I know tons of people who got married young and maybe did or didn't date very long and I KNOW it can work and work very well. My take probably comes from a lot of fears that I had about marriage...having divorced parents and (lets be honest) a less than ideal family situation. My Dad tells me all the time that I am neurotic...well, maybe this is one of those times. Hopefully over the years I can be less skeptical and more trusting.
It is a fact that those who get married later in life after the age of 25 will have a 75 percent greater chance of the marriage making it to the grave. Love your man. Laugh,a lot. Be thick skinned. Don't you or he be too serious about stuff. Have fun. Communicate, Communicate, and communicate more. As a parent, you do the best you can. I think for you, if you can rear your children to grow with a love of Christ and a firm testimony, then by golly, you will have done well.
Love you.
Deanne, I am not offended at all, I hope it doesn't sound like that. I just had to say something.
I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. Esp. about my own marriage. I am grateful I got married younger. I know that was right for me. We have grown together so much as a couple. Either way, getting married young, or old, you have your challenges. Learning who you are, who you are as a couple, trying to not be so independent, etc. Every marrage is challenging at times.
It's funny... I totally agree with the idea that getting married young is ridiculous and reckless and risky... for everyone else but me. When I got married at age 20, I was READY. But all these other young girls.... pshhh.... silly children. =)
Statistically, divorce rates do go down as the marriage age goes up - the same goes for length of courtship. But statistics.... pshhh. 74.2 of them are all made up on the spot anyway.
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