HOME BIRTH

So, yesterday it became publicly known that I am planning to have a home birth with this (#3) baby. I kept my mouth shut about it for a long time, only talking about it with those who I knew would most likely be supportive and trusting of my decision. I knew there would be those who were extremely skeptical, worried, etc, etc.  My nature is to be a little defensive (I think it's a genetic problem) about this, but I thought about it a lot yesterday, and I really don't want to be a defensive person and get my feathers ruffled just because someone disagrees with me about this. Truly, I understand why people worry. I used to be one of them. I have been on a long journey surrounding my beliefs about birth. It started with my very first pregnancy, of course. So just understand that this post is not coming from a defensive standpoint, but one of just wanting to share where I am coming from.

I was always the girl who was totally freaked out about the thought of birth. I could not imagine the thought of a human being coming out of my vagina (yes we say vagina in our house). I was scared of the pain (or my fear of what the pain would be like). It all just freaked me out. So, with my first pregnancy I knew I would be having an epidural. There was no question about it. No other option in my mind.

I feel very fortunate that I have always gone into labor on my own. I carry to full term and with each of my girls delivered at 40 weeks. So, with my first, labor started and when it was steady, we drove over an hour to the hospital. I was dilated to 3cm and very uncomfortable. I got my epidural fairly early and at first I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I laid around it that bed like a swollen, beached whale for 12 hours. Also, to note...this was a Saturday and I was not privileged to have my OB deliver, someone whom I really really liked and respected. It was the on-call guy. After my epidural was in, he broke my water. Right away. Looking back, I feel this was very unnecessary at that early in the game. When he saw a little blood, he immediately brought up the possibility of c-section. WHAT?!! You have got to be kidding me! I am so thankful he didn't push that idea.  Long story short, the epidural wore off at least 2 or three times. It was like going from zero pain, to off the charts pain in a matter of about 2 minutes. It was awful and I puked a lot.  I was completely unaware that I was given pitocin. My baby was facing the wrong way and I pushed (via directed pushing, meaning they were telling me when and how to push) for 2.5 hours. I never ever felt an urge to push. I was told to push like I was pooping. I personally think that is terrible advice. And I did it. And I pooped on them. And the next day I could hardly move because it felt like an oak tree had been rammed up my rear end repeatedly. It hurt to sit down for nearly 7 weeks post partum. Babies aren't meant to be pushed out uphill, (and they certainly don't come out of your butt), but that's what you have to do when you are numb and can't move. I finally had nothing left to give and consented to letting them use the vacuum to help deliver her. The vacuum severely lacerated the inside of my vagina and I had a ton of stitches. Fortunately they did not do an episiotomy, but I did tear. I'd rather tear than have an episiotomy. Also, I had pain in my back where I had the epidural for months and months following the birth. One of the things I remember is that I was not the first person to hold my baby. I don't even remember feeling a sense of urgency to want to hold her. I was absolutely exhausted. But you know what? I should have been the very first person to hold that sweet girl. Before she was covered in layers and layers of blankets.

At the same time I was pregnant with Katelyn, my sister in law was pregnant with her first baby. Due to their circumstances of having no insurance at the time, she chose to deliver at a birthing center. I remember them visiting me at the hospital while I was "in labor" and me looking at my brother in law and telling him to "not let her do that!"  Well, she did it anyway. I wasn't there, but she did it, and she handled it very well, even though it was difficult.

A couple years later I had the opportunity to be with this same sister in law when she delivered her 2nd baby. They lived in the small town of Forks, WA and she had a midwife and delivered at their local hospital. I got to witness someone having a natural childbirth. Her midwife was with her the ENTIRE time (ALL DAY), she was able to walk when she wanted, eat when she wanted, get in the shower, what ever. There was no rushing the process. She was carefully attended to the entire time. I believe it was after this experience that I started thinking more about child birth. It had a big impact on me.

When I got pregnant with Alaina I knew I wanted things to be different. The one thing I knew for sure was that I was not interested in having another epidural. I started with an OB office and then switched to a midwife who could deliver at the hospital.  When I decided I wanted to try a natural (meaning no drugs) delivery, people thought I was crazy. Justin didn't think I could handle it. (PSHH). I hired a doula. I wanted as much support as possible if I was going to do it. I read a lot of books, I took an amazing child birth class, taught by Kristina French (another doula) that taught me so much more about the birthing process and about options and about really learning to handle pain. It was so much more educational than the first birthing class I had taken at the hospital with my 1st baby. To be fair, I was in a different place at this time too, and was just focusing on the fact that I would have an epidural, so I didn't need to know anything else. The point is, I read and read and really prepared myself as much as I possibly could before going into my 2nd birth. The birth class truly changed my life in this area. I was no longer scared of birth, but saw it as a beautiful and spiritual event. Sure, I was still anxious about the unknown, but that awful fear was gone. I'll never, ever forget that.

Most of you who know me, know that with Alaina things happened very quickly. It was 1.5 hours from start to finish and she was nearly born in the car on the drive to the hospital. I loved that birth. I was on a rush for days following! And you know what, the pain wasn't that bad. It got intense at the transition period (which I didn't know I was in), but I handled it. I handled it really well, in fact. My uterus did 100% of the pushing. I couldn't stop it if I tried. My personal belief is that most women CAN handle it, if they had the right preparation for it.

There were just a couple things about Alaina's birth and the hospital factor that I didn't like. I had wanted to wait to clamp and cut the cord. It was cut right away. There was no time to discuss anything because of how fast it all went and it was just whatever doctor was there at the time. My midwife didn't get there in time because we were too focused on what was happening to call her. The doctor also had me deliver the placenta really quickly. That could have waited. And then without warning or discussing it, all of a sudden he shoved his finger up my butt. He was inserting Cytotec to help control bleeding (not that I was having a bleeding issue), is what I was told. I strongly feel that if someone is going to put a drug into your body you should be told first and have the chance to ask questions or discuss it. Other than that it was a really cool experience.

Now, this is a really long post and it you have read all of this so far, then thank you for sticking with me.

Regarding this pregnancy: I had never even considered having a home birth before. In fact, when I learned I was pregnant I set up an appointment with an OB here and planned to go that route. But to be honest, I wasn't excited about it. I just didn't want to have to do all the stuff they want you to do in the hospital. When I labored with Alaina, I didn't want to be touched or massaged or anything. I just wanted to do my thing.

The thought to have a home birth just came to me one day out of the blue. I started thinking about it, looking into it, looking into midwives in this area. I met with one. I just knew I wanted to be in the care of a really good, and traditional midwife. Not one that had to conform to the rules and regulations set forth my the hospital. My midwife is Kristin Eggleston in Prosser, WA. I have been very happy with her. I have had very, very peaceful feelings of reassurance in my decision. Justin initially said "NO!" But I am thankful that he was supportive enough to at least be open minded about it and to meet Kristin and have the chance to ask questions.

In my opinion, I do not believe that "in general" most women are really educated properly about the child birthing process. I feel like there is a lot of fear surrounding child birth, and as my midwife was saying, pregnancy is often looked at in more of a pathological way (pathology=disease).  I think the fear is a fear of the unknown. Fear from having possibly no experience.

I also believe that most people who get really freaked out about home birth, have probably not done any amount of extensive research about it. I mean, be really honest with yourself. How much real research and learning have you actually done about it? Learning for yourself and not from what you have "heard". I know I hadn't learned anything about it, and that's why I also used to think it was "crazy".

Here is a link to my midwife's website. I think it's important that before you have the urge to "freak out" about someones choice to have a home birth, that you actually learn more about it. Go through the studies she has listed. It doesn't mean that you would choose it for yourself, but it's worth learning more about.

I also want to say that I don't believe that home birth is the way to go for everybody. I also believe that with the right caretakers that a person can have a great hospital experience as well. I just think we need to learn all we can about birth, whether you want to deliver in a hospital or at home, or birth center or wherever. I believe we should be able to have some say in the process. We need to be informed about what interventions are taking place and why and how it really affects the birthing process, you and your baby. We need to be presented with both sides of the story on those interventions and have the opportunity to make a choice, not just lay there and have something happen to you. For me, that's what I felt like happened with my first birth. I just lied there for 12 hours while things happened around me. I didn't really feel that involved in what should have been one of the greatest experiences of my life.

I also think we should support each other as women and friends. It's also not helpful for any expecting mom to be told scary birth stories, regardless of where she wants to deliver her baby, even though your intentions may be good. Rather, lets promote excitement and confidence in child bearing. And thank goodness for doctors, surgeons, hospitals and medicine when they are truly needed.

Thank you for reading,
DeAnne